Birds Eye Never Tasted So Good

Well, we had a treat on Saturday. Kia, the fat lazy cat, decided that she was going to show off. Now normally she brings us slugs cos she's too lazy to move fast, but when we got home on Saturday we saw that her lazy days were over. Clearly she has decided to join Fat Fighters and burn off some energy. She'd caught a bird. A real bird. And, not only that, had ripped the poor thing to shreads just to show us how energetic she was. She left it's mangled carcass in the flower bed with feathers and bits of blood everywhere! Great!

Anyway, on Sunday afternoon I fixed two of my three guitars and two broken leads as well. Aren't I clever? Yesterday for Bank Holiday we went shopping and bought a load of clothes cos I was feeling rich.

Thats all for now!

MaFt


Kia's Dinner

Weird

I've been struggling to publish the blog all day long and now it's decided to work! Groovy! Let the blogging continue.

I have a pub-quiz tomorrow afternoon. Organised by work so we get to finish a couple of hours early - should be a laugh!

Ta-ra for now,

MaFt

Telly-Tastic

When I left my job at Leeds Uni they were already pretty short-staffed - even more so after I left. So, you'd think that they would make it a priority to employ a competent person to take my place. I mean, even an incompetent person would do better than what they have replaced me with. What's a months notice for if not to find a replacement?

What have they replaced me with? A bleedin' Plasma Telly for the coffee area. A plasma telly... How is that going to improve moral in the School of Biology Teaching Labs where there are 3 people doing the work of 6?

Fair enough, if it's a nice Sony or a Philips, but knowing them it'll be some crappy Goodmans or something...

We'll see...



MaFt

Classic!

http://www.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30000-13354964,00.html

Muppets...

Great Planning

Last night we were taken out for a meal for Mrs MaFt's friend's birthday. When our hosts arrived I asked if they'd booked a table or if we were just turning up. The reply was "Well, no one answered the phone, so we're just turning up".

We soon discovered why the phone wasn't answered; that restaraunt was closed on a Monday. Great! So we went somewhere else that was open... 'Twas nice :)

MaFt

THE WAIT IS OVER!!!!

Finally, the wait is over. Episode 3 was bleedin' fantastic! I think it may be the best of all 6 of the Star Wars films. I won't spoil it for anyone who's not seen it yet, but it's definately worth going. I even spotted the Millenium Falcon that Bli managed to miss :0p So yeah, definately worth it!

The newspapers are all bitching that it's available to download already... However, most of them fail to realise that the downloadble version is the workprint copy; i.e. the version with the great big timers on it that gets sent to places like the BBFC so they can say "you need to remove 10 frames from 1hr 21min 8secs 2frames into the film cos it's too rude" etc. So, someone from inside leaked episode 3 in it's entirety, yet the downloaders are to blame... surely it's the relevent company's fault for not having tight enough security...

I also just recorded another song. I did a punk version of a church-worship song called 'I Will Worship' - it sounds cool and I'll post the mp3 as soon as I'm happy with the mix. Me and brother Nat have decided we're going to do a punk worship session for the youth some time this year - should be good.

Right, that's me done for now.

MaFt

PS - still no baby...

Bloody Disgusting Pigs

159mph speeding charge PC cleared

I really can't believe that someone driving at 159mph on a motorway (more than double the speed limit) and over 60mph in a 30 zone has been let off. Why? Because he's a policeman who he was 'honing his skills' and 'wanted to test his new car'. OK, so the guy was trained to drive at high speeds but this wasn't an emergency. He just wanted to play in his new car.

As far as I can see, if he wanted some practice driving at ridiculous speeds he should have asked his employers for appropriate training, not just race around public roads putting peoples lives at risk. Imagine if a big drugs company decided to flaunt all the laws and rules and just wanted to 'test their new drug' on members of the public without proper approval. There'd be an outcry - rules and laws are there to keep people safe. These should be for everyone - police shouldn't be let off with crap excuses...

That really peed me off when I saw it on the news last night! Can ya tell?! Oh, I managed to get tickets for SW3 last night - finally!

MaFt

Tickets Please, PLEASE!!

Many moons ago me and my brother Andy used to ring random 0800 numbers: 1) because we were bored and 2) because they're free. One of the ones we found was some kind of practice 'speach recognition' software - you had to say a number and it then told you "You have selected number 4" or whichever number you said. It was fairly primitive, but this was going back about 12 years or so.

Yesterday evening I discovered that telephonic speach recognition systems are not so primitive, just very annoying and a little bit cocky.

Machine: Welcome to Cineworld... blah blah blah Please say the name of the cinema or town you are interested in
MaFt: Bradford
Machine: Did you say 'Bradford'?
MaFt: Yes
Machine: Welcome to Cineworld at the Leisure Exchange, Bradford.
MaFt: You're welcome
Machine: Oi, I haven't asked you to say anything yet!
MaFt: Sorry
Machine: Did you say 'sorry'?
MaFt: .....
Machine: Please say either 'yes' or 'no'
MaFt: Yes
Machine: OK, shall we continue?
MaFt: Yes
Machine: Please say the name of the film you would like to see.
MaFt: Star Wars
Machine: No, that's not it's full title, please do it in full or I'm not playing.
MaFt: Star Wars Episode 3
Machine: ...and?
MaFt: Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith
Machine: You have selected 'Bambi'. Ha ha, only joking, you have selected 'Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith' rated 12A, contains fantasy adventure and some scary scenes.
Machine: Please say what you would like to do...
MaFt: Book tick...
Machine: Please let me finish, you haven't heard the options yet. The options are: book tickets, hear show times or other oprions.
MaFt: Book tickets, like I started to say before.
Machine: There's no need for that attitude, 'book tickets' might not have been an option, you were just assuming...
MaFt: Yeah, whatever, just book the bloody tickets.
Machine: Sorry
MaFt: Did you say 'sorry'?
Machine: Yes
MaFt: Ooh, how about that for role-reversal, eh?
Machine: Don't get cocky or else I'll put you in a queue.
MaFt: I'm British, I like to queue.
Machine: Fine, please hold while you are transferred to an operator. You are now in a queue, you are queuer number one.
MaFt: Wow, what a queue...
Operator: Hello, Cineworld Bradford.
MaFt: Hi, can I book some tickets please?
Operator: Sorry, our Machine is down and we can't make any bookings.
MaFt: Oh...
Operator: He's sulking. Machine gets like this when people don't treat him very kindly on the phone system. He has these illusions of grandeur where he thinks that because he can recognise speach that he's somehow better than us.
MaFt: I see...
Operator: It's OK, he'll be fine tomorrow, I'm sure.
MaFt: OK, I'll try then.


I tried again today, but I think Machine recognised my voice (well, that is his job afterall) cos the system was still down...

Musical Cancers

Me again, just read on the BBC news website that Kylie has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Not that I'm a massive fan of her work (except in Neighbours) but it sucks when anyone gets cancer.

Matt Freeman (of Rancid), the greatest bass player in the world, has also been diagnosed with lung cancer...

Could be a sad year for music fans.

MaFt

Hello Again!

Ok, so I've not posted for about a week... sorry, I've been busy! There's still no baby and, with only 2 days until '...Sith' comes out, I have a feeling that mini-MaFt might have to wait until it's out on DVD.

So, what have I been up to? Well, there's a new song I recorded on my PureVolume space: Boys of Summer (originally by Don Henley but covered by about 5 million other people). I've changed the temporary cable-fix (from my drilling 'incident' so we can now run the washing machine, dryer and kettle without frying the connectors and I've also been upgraded.

Telewest/Blueyonder decided they would upgrade the measley 256kb broadband, for no extra cost, to a whopping mighty 512kb. Yeah, I know it's not actually that 'whopping' or 'mighty', but it's pretty good for only £17.99 a month with unlimited access.

So there, that's about it! Just thought I should post something so people don't get bored...

MaFt

Stupid Cyclists

"On my way to the beautician this morning I had to call in at the Esso petrol station on Thornton Road to fill up my lovely blue Ford Focus that my darling husband bought me because he is sooooo rich.

Anyway, I had to cross over the other lane of traffic and a cycle lane and this idiot on a bike was actually riding in the cycle lane! I mean, what an idiot! No one uses the cycle lane! So, anyway, I carried on as normal because bikes only go slowly, but the idiot cyclist had to slam on his brakes and swerve and skid out the way of my car. That'll teach him. Well, I'm glad he didn't hit my precious car, that would have really spoiled my day."

Ahem, and now for my point of view...

Stupid cow; there I was minding my own business on my way to work in the cycle lane on Thornton Road when some stupid cow in a blue Ford Focus decided to pull into the petrol station cutting straight in front of me. I was, at that moment, travelling at about 25mph which is slow in a car, but pretty speedy on a push-bike. Luckily my brakes worked and there were no other cars next to me. I slammed all on and had to swerve and skid out the way of the silly bitch's car by moving into the main driving lane. I'm glad I didn't hit her car - I think it would have hurt me more than the car. However, I had the urge to go back and have a go at her in the petrol station. I resisted the urge, but all the way to work I was thinking about what I could have said to her... Stupid cow!

MaFt

Shocking!

Arse cakes! Giant bloody arse cakes! Last night me and Mrs MaFt decided to put up the curtain tie-backs we've had for about 3 years. All nice and simple:

1. remove the old ones
2. drill a couple of holes
3. insert rawlplugs
4. screw
5. tie curtains back

However, at point 2 things went wrong. There's was a loud, crackly bang and a rather bright flash and the burglar alarm went off. Seems that I had gone straight through a mains cable... Shit... Well, at least we still had lights; and the fuse box worked...

Emergency call to big bruvva Tim and after he'd had his soup he called round. He spent about an hour and a bit patching it up so we could get some power back on. On closer inspection we saw that I had gone straight through the very middle of the cable - literally dead-center! I have a couple of photo's that I'll upload over the weekend.

Later we're going to make it into a socket so we only need to replace about 3 feet of cable / wall rather than about 30! At least we'll be able to have a lamp on the window-sill without the cable hanging down for baby MaFt to pull at. You see, something good usually comes out of my cock-ups!

Who'd have thought that there would be 4 mains cables going up next to the window?! Next time I'll use one of those 'hidden wire and pipe' detectors.


Coulda done with one of these...

MaFt

Weather Or Not To Cycle

Forgot to mention earlier that I decided to cycle the 4.5 miles to work this morning as the weather looked OK. With about half a mile left to go it started raining...

Now there's thunder, lightning and rain. I might get the bus home and pick my bike up tomorrow!

MaFt

Don't Touch My Belly, My Achey-Breaky Belly (and arms, legs and back)

Yesterday, because it was sunny and I'd had a beer, we decided to move the 'stones' from in our 'garden' to a more suitable position. By 'garden' I mean the council-owned land behind our house and by 'stones' i mean the two 'big' chunks of stone that make nice seats in the summer. By 'big' I mean about 2-foot x 2-foot x 5-foot.

Dave brought round his wreckers bar (basically a 5-foot crow-bar) and after two hours, two beers and a lot of manly grunting we got the things shifted round to a new position (about 1m away, but at 90-degrees to where they were). The reason for this? Dunno really, seemed like a good idea.

I ache. A lot.

MaFt

Anti-Recomendation (Is That Spelt Right?!)

We've just had the Royal Family round for a bit and to celebrate their visit me and Mrs MaFt laid on a sumptuous banquet: Morrison's Oven Chips and Tesco's Thick Pork Sausages for all.

However, within minutes, old Lizzy commented that "these sausages taste funny". Mine tasted fine, but again "these sausages taste funny". Soon after young William joined in "these sausages taste funny". Mine were OK, Philip tasted some of old Lizzy's sausage (now that's fodder for The Sun) and Philip stated that her "sausage tastes just like mine".

Needless to say that old Lizzy didn't finish her meal and so I had one of her sausages. It did, indeed, "taste funny".

So, there you go, don't bother with the bags of 'approximately 20 thick pork sausages' from Tesco's, cos the Queen says they "taste funny".

MaFt

PS - names have been changed under the Data Protection Act of 1902

Drum-Tastic, Mate!

Ey up! Just a quicky update as I'm still pretty busy. I'm trying the email thing again too, last time I got an auto-reply telling me the email had failed but it still appeared on the blog... Strange!

So, anyway, last night Mrs MaFt was out for a bit so I finally had chance to have a play with my recording studio and the drum-machine software I downloaded to try out. The drum software is great! It's dead easy to use and is pretty cheap at the moment cos the $ to £ rate is either crap or fantastic (I can never work it out properly, but it makes things priced in U.S. dollars nice and cheap for us Brits; so to me it's fantastic!). Have a look here for the software.

Well, I made a drum track (nice and heavy on the floor-tom) and started messing with the settings for the guitar. The finished product (punky version of "Don't Say") will be uploaded and linked to accordingley when it's finished. You might get to hear some work in progress samples too.

That's it for now,

MaFt

Thought I'd Try This Out

I thought I'd give this a go. I'm attempting to make this blog entry by emailing it to the Blogger server thing.

So, anyway, the new job has started and it's so much better than where I was before. I'm actually going to have a challenge and have tasks to carry out. The downside being that I'll have less free-time during work time, but at least I won't get bored.

Well, I'll leave it at that for now in case this emailing thing doesn't work!

MaFt

Dumb Gate Policies

Anyone who ever visits our house always fails to shut the gate and fasten the latch (particularly Mr Postman); as such, it breaks quite often. During the last set of mental winds it broke, almost, in half. Today me and Mrs MaFt went to Wickes to buy some new timber to rebuild it. It was 2m 40cm long and there was no way it would have fit into our car, so I asked if they could cut it in half for us. I was told that they "can not offer a cutting service for health and safety reasons". So I asked if I could borrow a saw to do it myself and was told the same thing.

Now, being a health and safety rep for Unison, I've studied things like this and as far as I can see they're saying they have useless staff. The Health And Safety law that businesses like to quote is very vague and basically says "if you're doing something make sure it's done safely". So Mrs Wickes (not her real name) clearly told me that they "cannot provide a cutting service because our staff are crap and would not be able to do it safely".

We bought the cheapest saw instead and cut the wood in half in the car park. I almost went back in to return the saw stating it was the wrong type to what we needed but felt that would be taking liberties...

The broken gate

The new one (needs staining)

MaFt

Shorts Boy

"He is shorts boy, with his puny legs of hair
Straight off of his paperround to rid us of despair
He is shorts boy, he is too young to work
One day he will be old enough to go and save the world;
He is shorts boy."
- 'Trouser Man' by MaFt

Today is the first day in 2005 that I've put me shorts on. It's cooled down a bit since this morning, but I've had shorts on all day. Summer must be just around the corner!

MaFt

Updates

So, I'm back to the blog again! This is my 3rd of 4 days off work before I start the new job on Monday, and so far I've hardly rested.

Tuesday was spent trying to get in touch with Mrs MaFt's friends for a surprise baby-shower for her as well as ringing round banks to sort various things out. Wednesday I was up early to take delivery of my new Boss BR-8 Digital 8-Track recorder and to wait for the gasman (who came between 8am and 12noon). Then in the evening was the surprise baby shower. I've never seen Mrs MaFt be speechless - though I admit I felt bad for phoning her friends behind her back and not telling her what was happening!

Me and Charlie went for a fantastic curry and now my bottom-wind is a bit smelly and hot - but it was worth it. If you're ever in Bingley go to the Saffron, but hurry cos it might not be there much longer...

Anyway, tonight I'm off to Jongleurs in Leeds for my leaving do (even though I've already left). I'll be knackered by the time I start the new job!


Boss BR-8

MaFt