Well, Christmas is done (and boy was it hectic!) - expect the run-down of cracker jokes early in the new year when I have a bit more time!
Have a good one tonight!
MaFt
Monday, December 31, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Bradford - Town of Lies
Place names are usually fairly descriptive, for example Hill Top Road is a road at the top of a hill; Hill Top Fisheries is a Chippy at the top of a hill; Little John's Kebab Hut is a kebab hut owned by a man called John who happens to be vertically challenged.
So, from that, what would you expect Four Lane Ends and Five Lane Ends to be? Logically it would be the point where 4/5 lanes meet, perhaps at a roundabout or at a traffic light controlled junction...? Well, you'd be wrong for thinking that! Here they are:
As you can see, Four Lane Ends would be better off called "One Lane Goes Through and Two Others End" and Five Lane Ends is clearly "Six Lane Ends"...
I wonder if it's worth starting a one-man campaign to get their names changed?
MaFt
So, from that, what would you expect Four Lane Ends and Five Lane Ends to be? Logically it would be the point where 4/5 lanes meet, perhaps at a roundabout or at a traffic light controlled junction...? Well, you'd be wrong for thinking that! Here they are:
As you can see, Four Lane Ends would be better off called "One Lane Goes Through and Two Others End" and Five Lane Ends is clearly "Six Lane Ends"...
I wonder if it's worth starting a one-man campaign to get their names changed?
MaFt
Monday, December 17, 2007
Why Did I Bother?!
At about 1 this morning I signed up to a handful of free online business directory thingy's in the hope of drumming up a bit of business. Each one, however, had a warning that they "have been receiving reports of companies phoning soon after adding a listing to try and sell advertising space, these are in no way affiliated with us".
Needless to say I've had three of these calls this morning trying to pressurise me into giving them £500 over the phone to get an A6 advert into their wonderful magazine that no one has heard of but it will guarantee over 11 contacts each week...
Reckon I'll give them a miss and just deal with customers directly for now!!
MaFt
Needless to say I've had three of these calls this morning trying to pressurise me into giving them £500 over the phone to get an A6 advert into their wonderful magazine that no one has heard of but it will guarantee over 11 contacts each week...
Reckon I'll give them a miss and just deal with customers directly for now!!
MaFt
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Upgraded!
This morning I took the plunge and updated my phone to Windows Mobile 6! No major issues to report and it actually seems to run a bit faster too but that could just be cos it's nice and fresh!
One other advantage was that because it's a new ROM and therefore essentially a nice, clean registry then I can reinstall Opera Mobile for another 30 days! I'm holding off buying this as a new version is due out soon. I emailed them to ask if I bought it now would I get version 9 for free when it was released and was told no, I couldn't... No chance I'm paying twice for it so they can wait for now!
MaFt
One other advantage was that because it's a new ROM and therefore essentially a nice, clean registry then I can reinstall Opera Mobile for another 30 days! I'm holding off buying this as a new version is due out soon. I emailed them to ask if I bought it now would I get version 9 for free when it was released and was told no, I couldn't... No chance I'm paying twice for it so they can wait for now!
MaFt
Friday, December 07, 2007
Proper Annoying
Virgin Broadband is currently down... Well, their official description is: "Customers across the Yorkshire region may currently be experiencing a loss of their broadband Internet services". Basically, I can get to a few sites but not any of the ones I need to... like maft.co.uk for my emails (can get them on the phone though), pocketgpsworld.com (so can't get any work done - ie no money), garminpoi.co.uk (so can't update that site and get a small amount of advertising money).
So, generally, it sucks! So I thought I'd share my moaning with you here on the blog cos Virgin let me go to blogger.com!
See ya
MaFt
So, generally, it sucks! So I thought I'd share my moaning with you here on the blog cos Virgin let me go to blogger.com!
See ya
MaFt
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Nearly Christmas!
For those thinking "it'll be Christmas by the time he blogs again" well, you're wrong. But not too far from the truth though!
Been stupidly busy sorting out poorly kids and poorly me as well as trying to get stuff sorted for the Christmas play I stupidly agreed to do...
I've been pretty busy with work stuff to - lots to do with PocketGPSWorld.com as usual but I've also recently finished the Migrant Workers Information Bradford site as well as completely redesigning the Jalapeno Drums site. The Jalapeno one is still showing the old site while we wait for domain names to be switched between hosts etc etc - all great fun...! I've also updated the portfolio part of my site at MaFt.co.uk/design so it's not been a total loss!
That'll do for now, I'll try post more in the near future!
MaFt
----------------
Now playing: Bowling For Soup - I'm Gay
via FoxyTunes
Been stupidly busy sorting out poorly kids and poorly me as well as trying to get stuff sorted for the Christmas play I stupidly agreed to do...
I've been pretty busy with work stuff to - lots to do with PocketGPSWorld.com as usual but I've also recently finished the Migrant Workers Information Bradford site as well as completely redesigning the Jalapeno Drums site. The Jalapeno one is still showing the old site while we wait for domain names to be switched between hosts etc etc - all great fun...! I've also updated the portfolio part of my site at MaFt.co.uk/design so it's not been a total loss!
That'll do for now, I'll try post more in the near future!
MaFt
----------------
Now playing: Bowling For Soup - I'm Gay
via FoxyTunes
Friday, October 05, 2007
Javascript
I'm currently teaching myself Javascript which is turning out to be considerably more complex than I'd first imagined! I'm using the O-Reilly book by David Flanagan and I'm currently up to page 105 of 591 (and then another 450 reference pages...!) which is pretty easy to follow. O-Reilly books seem to be very good, they managed to teach me PHP quickly enough too! Still, once it's done it'll be handy!
Right, back to reading :)
MaFt
----------------
Now playing: The Sex Pistols - Did You No Wrong
via FoxyTunes
Right, back to reading :)
MaFt
----------------
Now playing: The Sex Pistols - Did You No Wrong
via FoxyTunes
Friday, September 28, 2007
Excuses Excuses...
Well, yes, it's been over 10 weeks since I last blogged - and that was a rubbish one...
So, what have I been up to? Well, lots really! Still working hard though! The main reason for the lack of updates was my main PC dying. The motherboard died but it wasn't just a case of replacing it. Noooo... stupid MaFt decided to have one of those Small Form Factor PCs (BioStar IDEQ) with proprietary innards. So, it was a new case and motherboard that I needed - slightly more expensive. Then I realised my PC was about 4 years old so none of the other, working, parts could be used with any new equipment... I had to buy a whole new system - the only bits I kept were the monitor, keyboard, mouse and DVD-burner. Also, thanks to the good folk on the GarminPOI.co.uk Mailing List who donated just over £200 the new stuff didn't cost me anything. I just now need to get that site back up to date for everyone!
Our iron also passed-away, as has my digital camera and my camcorder... However, JVC offered to fix the camcorder for free (even three years out of warranty) as it has a faulty CCD which has caused problems in virtually every unit they were put in. So that was nice of them, shame Olympus want £150 to fix the camera (which I could buy new for less).
Punk Worship 3volution is fast approaching too and this time we've opted for early Saturday mornings for practises seeing as that's the only time slot free between the four of us...
Oh, before I finish, here's a great big thanks to TrixMoto for writing a script for me for MediaMonkey 3 to upload my currently playing song via FTP so I can link to it in the panel on the left! Clever stuff eh?! Also, FoxyTunes added a blogger thingy-ma-bob that shows the world what was on when I typed the post too.
See ya
MaFt
----------------
Now playing: Bowling For Soup - Ohio (Come Back To Texas)
via FoxyTunes
So, what have I been up to? Well, lots really! Still working hard though! The main reason for the lack of updates was my main PC dying. The motherboard died but it wasn't just a case of replacing it. Noooo... stupid MaFt decided to have one of those Small Form Factor PCs (BioStar IDEQ) with proprietary innards. So, it was a new case and motherboard that I needed - slightly more expensive. Then I realised my PC was about 4 years old so none of the other, working, parts could be used with any new equipment... I had to buy a whole new system - the only bits I kept were the monitor, keyboard, mouse and DVD-burner. Also, thanks to the good folk on the GarminPOI.co.uk Mailing List who donated just over £200 the new stuff didn't cost me anything. I just now need to get that site back up to date for everyone!
Our iron also passed-away, as has my digital camera and my camcorder... However, JVC offered to fix the camcorder for free (even three years out of warranty) as it has a faulty CCD which has caused problems in virtually every unit they were put in. So that was nice of them, shame Olympus want £150 to fix the camera (which I could buy new for less).
Punk Worship 3volution is fast approaching too and this time we've opted for early Saturday mornings for practises seeing as that's the only time slot free between the four of us...
Oh, before I finish, here's a great big thanks to TrixMoto for writing a script for me for MediaMonkey 3 to upload my currently playing song via FTP so I can link to it in the panel on the left! Clever stuff eh?! Also, FoxyTunes added a blogger thingy-ma-bob that shows the world what was on when I typed the post too.
See ya
MaFt
----------------
Now playing: Bowling For Soup - Ohio (Come Back To Texas)
via FoxyTunes
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Monday, July 02, 2007
Piff Poff Poof
...And as if by magic the pubs are now smoke-free!
In case you didn't know, the UK smoking ban is now in place. Soon it'll be illegal to fart in public too.
Now, go buy my stuff!
MaFt
In case you didn't know, the UK smoking ban is now in place. Soon it'll be illegal to fart in public too.
Now, go buy my stuff!
MaFt
Thursday, June 28, 2007
The Promised Pictures
Well, here they are, the promised photo's of our local Harrier Jumpjet! Shoetree and his lovely lady-wife came over yesterday so I took them for a drive to see the plane too :)
Well, here they are, the promised photo's of our local Harrier Jumpjet! Shoetree and his lovely lady-wife came over yesterday so I took them for a drive to see the plane too :)
MaFt
Well, here they are, the promised photo's of our local Harrier Jumpjet! Shoetree and his lovely lady-wife came over yesterday so I took them for a drive to see the plane too :)
MaFt
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Harrier JumpJet
We were driving up to Queensbury yesterday along the Brighouse & Denholme Road and I happened to look out of the window. TO my surprise, there was a Harrier JumpJet in someone's garden. Not a toy, an actual real Harrier JumpJet!
To confirm I wasn't going mad, we stopped on the way back to make sure... And it was still there - a real, full-size, not a toy, Royal Navy Harrier JumpJet.
If you don't believe me then head over to The Raggalds pub and it's opposite there. I'll try get a photo at some point!
MaFt
To confirm I wasn't going mad, we stopped on the way back to make sure... And it was still there - a real, full-size, not a toy, Royal Navy Harrier JumpJet.
If you don't believe me then head over to The Raggalds pub and it's opposite there. I'll try get a photo at some point!
MaFt
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Driving Me Mad!
Someone recently bought Mini-MaFt a 'My First Remote Controlled Car' as a "your not the special baby anymore but we feel sorry for you so here's a present" gift. However, it doesn't use RF as most radio controlled cars do, no, this one uses Infra Red.
Not a problem really - the car functions adequately in both forward and reverse using the supplied controller. It also functions adequately using any remote control in the house... You can be flicking channels and this little toy car starts rolling along the floor with it's lights flashing away!
The thing is, it always catches me off guard and makes me jump when flicking between episodes of The Simpsons!
MaFt
Not a problem really - the car functions adequately in both forward and reverse using the supplied controller. It also functions adequately using any remote control in the house... You can be flicking channels and this little toy car starts rolling along the floor with it's lights flashing away!
The thing is, it always catches me off guard and makes me jump when flicking between episodes of The Simpsons!
MaFt
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Pig (Part II)
OK, even if the whole 'eating a full pack of mini batenburgs' thing wasn't piggish behaviour then I think this might be:
Today we were in Morrisons and I noticed that Creme Eggs we only 18p - a whole 2p cheaper than in Woolworths just over the car park! I had to by five. It would have been wrong not to!
I ate four of them, it would have been five but I gave one way to a homeless child. Well, not quite homeless, I gave it to one of Mini-MaFt's friends, Master-O - he was most pleased! I might get some more tomorrow ;)
MaFt
Today we were in Morrisons and I noticed that Creme Eggs we only 18p - a whole 2p cheaper than in Woolworths just over the car park! I had to by five. It would have been wrong not to!
I ate four of them, it would have been five but I gave one way to a homeless child. Well, not quite homeless, I gave it to one of Mini-MaFt's friends, Master-O - he was most pleased! I might get some more tomorrow ;)
MaFt
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Lifetime Guarantee
Whoever thought up this one was a flippin' genius! I mean, normally you get a one year guarantee on something that you can guarantee will break after one year and a day. However, the cunning marketing people at far too many companies obviously realised that instead of spending all that R&D money designing products that fail exactly one year and twenty-four hours after their first use, they could do it another way.
Simply give the product a 'lifetime' guarantee! You see, it is guaranteed to work for the product's lifetime - as soon as it breaks, it's guarantee has passed! The products lifetime is over and so, therefore, it it's guarantee. Clever sods, aren't they?!
And so, in keeping with this fine tradition, I offer a lifetime guarantee for this blog. It will always be here, right up until it's not!
MaFt
Simply give the product a 'lifetime' guarantee! You see, it is guaranteed to work for the product's lifetime - as soon as it breaks, it's guarantee has passed! The products lifetime is over and so, therefore, it it's guarantee. Clever sods, aren't they?!
And so, in keeping with this fine tradition, I offer a lifetime guarantee for this blog. It will always be here, right up until it's not!
MaFt
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Is This The Behaviour Of A Pig?
Mrs-MaFt has just accused me of being a pig. All I did was eat a pack of five mini battenburgs - I hardly feel that it deserves such a personal insult...
I blame the pregnancy hormones!
Mini Battenburgs
MaFt
I blame the pregnancy hormones!
Mini Battenburgs
MaFt
Friday, April 27, 2007
GET VOTING!
I've been designing a couple of t-shirts over the last week or so - please go vote for me cos I might win £500 and get my shorts printed!
http://www.dshirt.co.uk/profile.php?usr=maft
MaFt
http://www.dshirt.co.uk/profile.php?usr=maft
MaFt
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Rollercoaster
These last two days have been a rollercoaster of mixed emotions.
Yesterday morning we found out that a good friend of Mrs-MaFt and myself had died suddenly and very unexpectedly. She was only 31 and has left behind a husband and 3 young boys (11 weeks, 3 years and 5 years). We still can't really believe it but have to try and get on.
This morning was the total opposite as it was the extraction of Mini-Mrs-MaFt - a beautiful little girl weighing in at 6lb 8oz. Mini-MaFt loves her to bits (which is a good thing!). Pictures below - I'm tired and off to bed!
Yesterday morning we found out that a good friend of Mrs-MaFt and myself had died suddenly and very unexpectedly. She was only 31 and has left behind a husband and 3 young boys (11 weeks, 3 years and 5 years). We still can't really believe it but have to try and get on.
This morning was the total opposite as it was the extraction of Mini-Mrs-MaFt - a beautiful little girl weighing in at 6lb 8oz. Mini-MaFt loves her to bits (which is a good thing!). Pictures below - I'm tired and off to bed!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Fact For The Day
Dinosaurs and humans lived on Earth at the same time.
[please note that this post worked better when the images linked correctly... have a read of this to see them: http://www.creationists.org/mananddinos.html]
How else can you explain the images on these Inca burial stones from 500-1500AD?
Or this Aboriginal painting from Queensland
Or a Buddhist temple carving in Cambodia from around 1200AD:
If dinosaur bones were only din the last 200 or so years then how come there re some damn-good depictions of them knocking about from waaaaaaaaaaay before then? The simple answer: they lived only thousands of years ago as opposed to millions and at the same time as humans!
MaFt
[please note that this post worked better when the images linked correctly... have a read of this to see them: http://www.creationists.org/mananddinos.html]
How else can you explain the images on these Inca burial stones from 500-1500AD?
Or this Aboriginal painting from Queensland
Or a Buddhist temple carving in Cambodia from around 1200AD:
If dinosaur bones were only din the last 200 or so years then how come there re some damn-good depictions of them knocking about from waaaaaaaaaaay before then? The simple answer: they lived only thousands of years ago as opposed to millions and at the same time as humans!
MaFt
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Makka Pakka
Makka Pakka, Makka Pakka, Makka Pakka!
Eh?! What? You obviously haven't seen 'In The Night Garden' - created by the very same mentalists who did the Teletubbies.
Mini-MaFt likes it but hasn't quite grasped how to say 'Makka Pakka' yet, instead it comes out as 'Paki' which he shouts at the top of his voice... Living in Bradford, I'm now scared to take him out of the house!!!
Makka Pakka
MaFt
Eh?! What? You obviously haven't seen 'In The Night Garden' - created by the very same mentalists who did the Teletubbies.
Mini-MaFt likes it but hasn't quite grasped how to say 'Makka Pakka' yet, instead it comes out as 'Paki' which he shouts at the top of his voice... Living in Bradford, I'm now scared to take him out of the house!!!
Makka Pakka
MaFt
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Due Date
Well, I feel like David Beckham at the moment. We have a date for the Caesaeaeaserereasn Section (lots of problems with Mini-MaFt's birth so we've been told Mrs-MaFt can have a CS again!) - it's really weird cos the consultant said to us "so, is the 26th April OK for you?" but I was expecting them to just give us a date! I can make it to the big football game after all!
So, Mini-Mrs-MaFt shall be extracted ('born' doesn't seem to describe the process effectively) a week on Thursday. We just need to decide on a name so I can get their domain name and website sorted a-la Mini-MaFt's site.
See ya
MaFt
So, Mini-Mrs-MaFt shall be extracted ('born' doesn't seem to describe the process effectively) a week on Thursday. We just need to decide on a name so I can get their domain name and website sorted a-la Mini-MaFt's site.
See ya
MaFt
Monday, April 16, 2007
Older, But Not Much Wiser
I am now 27... In fact I've been 27 since last Tuesday. I feel older, but I wish I was a bit wiser!
MaFt
MaFt
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Reboot
Nearly six years later I've finally got around to editing our wedding video. It's taken a while but it's now ready. Why's it taken so long? Well, originally Brother-T was going to edit his video along with another video tht was made of the wedding but he never had time to get it done - so we just had both recordings running back to back on VHS. Now I have the technology I've been able to rip the original tapes onto the computer and mix the two tapes together... six years later...
Last night, after checking all 1hr 32min 53secs of the video for the second time for any mistakes etc, I decided it was ready for exporting. It was about 11pm so took the decision to leave it all rendering over night as I knew it would take about 8 hours - I could do it quicker but that would involve spending money on a new processor, which would also need a new motherboard to sit in along with new RAM and a new case too... I can't be bothered spending all that just to speed up video rendering!
Anyway, I got up this morning to check it had done it alright and my 'start up windows' were showing. "Great", I thought, "my computer rebooted before it finished". After checking the system logs it turns out that at 3.22am my PC rebooted. The reason? Windows had installed an update and said it needed to reboot in order to complete the installation; it would do this automatically for me if I didn't press a key in the next 15 seconds. Well, Mr Windows XP, at 3.22am how the heck am I supposed to see that when I'm in bed fast asleep? Idiot!
What's the point in having the option ticked for only installing updates when I'm ready if it just goes ahead and does it anyway?! So now I've got to export it all again while I'm doing my work...
Annoyed? You bet!
MaFt
Last night, after checking all 1hr 32min 53secs of the video for the second time for any mistakes etc, I decided it was ready for exporting. It was about 11pm so took the decision to leave it all rendering over night as I knew it would take about 8 hours - I could do it quicker but that would involve spending money on a new processor, which would also need a new motherboard to sit in along with new RAM and a new case too... I can't be bothered spending all that just to speed up video rendering!
Anyway, I got up this morning to check it had done it alright and my 'start up windows' were showing. "Great", I thought, "my computer rebooted before it finished". After checking the system logs it turns out that at 3.22am my PC rebooted. The reason? Windows had installed an update and said it needed to reboot in order to complete the installation; it would do this automatically for me if I didn't press a key in the next 15 seconds. Well, Mr Windows XP, at 3.22am how the heck am I supposed to see that when I'm in bed fast asleep? Idiot!
What's the point in having the option ticked for only installing updates when I'm ready if it just goes ahead and does it anyway?! So now I've got to export it all again while I'm doing my work...
Annoyed? You bet!
MaFt
Friday, March 30, 2007
Lame Excuse?
One of the down-sides to working from home is the sever lack of blog material I encounter. Working at Leeds Uni was great as I used to commute via bus, train and foot every day. When I was at Nektar I had loads of time doing nothing (and getting paid for it) so blogging was easier. However, now I'm working at home I tend not to come across any peculiar folk that I can write about. Unless, that is, you're interested in the Jehovah's Witness who called round the other day; or the seemingly unendless cold callers telling me I'm entitled to a government grant for free cavity wall insulation - free if you're on benefits. Although I'm told they offer a 50% discount if you're not - hardly free though, is it? Twice they rang today! If you think that having regular phone calls asking if we sell the finest Indian spices is fun then let me know and I can blog about that for you too... I could tell you about Kia the cats smelly breath as she huddles up next to me on the couch, but it's hard to explain the smell with words - if you've ever done a dissection then I can tell you that her breath smells like the innards of a pig, actually, no, probably more like the innards of a chicken.
So, anyway, I'm babbling! Catch ya later!
MaFt
So, anyway, I'm babbling! Catch ya later!
MaFt
Thursday, March 22, 2007
He's A Really Happy Man
Why does Postman Pat always wear his uniform? I know a guy who used to be a postman and outside of working hours he dressed like a normal person. What sort of impression does that give to children? Postman Pat is one big lie and it's about time something was done about it...
Postman Pat (in case you didn't know)
MaFt
Postman Pat (in case you didn't know)
MaFt
Monday, March 19, 2007
Walk, Fly, Fly, Fly, Drive, Sleep
Yesterday was our last day at CeBIT and involved, as the blog entry title suggests, walking, flying, flying, flying and eventually sleeping. After our final bit of reporting in the morning we got our stuff and waited for our taxi to start us off on our trip back to the UK. It was only a short taxi ride though as instead of getting the 40 minute taxi to the airport we got the 10 minute taxi to the heliport where we got a helicopter transfer to the airport - much more fun! We then flew, by plane, from Hanover to London Stansted and then I flew back from London to Manchester.
Three flights in one day - I have a feeling I'm not going to beat that personal record for some time...
MaFt
Three flights in one day - I have a feeling I'm not going to beat that personal record for some time...
MaFt
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Make Your Segway
Well, CeBIT is great so far. I've got a bit of spare time in the press office so after writing my reviews thought I'd show off by posting this picture of me on a Segway!
One thing that has annoyed me though is Google and Blogger picking up on the fact I have a German IP address and trying to be 'helpful' by making all the text German... Grr... Luckily I've used Blogger long enough to be able to guess what the links are for!
MaFt
One thing that has annoyed me though is Google and Blogger picking up on the fact I have a German IP address and trying to be 'helpful' by making all the text German... Grr... Luckily I've used Blogger long enough to be able to guess what the links are for!
MaFt
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
You're So Vain You Think This Blog Is About You
Is it just mine or do everyone's MSN conversations take bizarre twists and turns within a short time? Yesterday I was talking to Bli and what started off fairly normal (a broken car) soon turned a bit weird (poo-powered terrorists)...
Note that the colours have been changed to protect the innocent and the poor spelling left intact to protect our status as retards:
Bli says:
my car blew up on the way back to work the other day
MaFt says:
nasty
Bli says:
lot of smoke n stuff .. head gasket blew
MaFt says:
scary. did it go bang?
Bli says:
it did
MaFt says:
cool
Bli says:
on a very busy main road
Bli says:
with lotsa cars trying to go round me without getting too close
MaFt says:
you must smell...
Bli says:
nah .. prolly thought i was a suicide bomber
MaFt says:
wrong colour.
MaFt says:
but you DO have a beard...
MaFt says:
anyway, how can you be a suicide bomber if youve not killed yourself?
Bli says:
damn foiled again
MaFt says:
surel you would just be a potenial sicide bomber? in which case we all have that potential
Bli says:
a failed suicide bommber .. used the wrong fertilsier
MaFt says:
yeah, you can't just use your own poo... muppet!
Bli says:
oh rrreeeeaaalllly...?
Right, that's it for now, I'm off to Germany,
See ya!
MaFt
Note that the colours have been changed to protect the innocent and the poor spelling left intact to protect our status as retards:
Bli says:
my car blew up on the way back to work the other day
MaFt says:
nasty
Bli says:
lot of smoke n stuff .. head gasket blew
MaFt says:
scary. did it go bang?
Bli says:
it did
MaFt says:
cool
Bli says:
on a very busy main road
Bli says:
with lotsa cars trying to go round me without getting too close
MaFt says:
you must smell...
Bli says:
nah .. prolly thought i was a suicide bomber
MaFt says:
wrong colour.
MaFt says:
but you DO have a beard...
MaFt says:
anyway, how can you be a suicide bomber if youve not killed yourself?
Bli says:
damn foiled again
MaFt says:
surel you would just be a potenial sicide bomber? in which case we all have that potential
Bli says:
a failed suicide bommber .. used the wrong fertilsier
MaFt says:
yeah, you can't just use your own poo... muppet!
Bli says:
oh rrreeeeaaalllly...?
Right, that's it for now, I'm off to Germany,
See ya!
MaFt
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
MONKEY!
Monkey's are great, you can't beat 'em. So it was a great delight when I saw that PG Tips had stolen ITV Digital's advertising campaign of Johnny Vegas and Monkey to sell their bags of leaves.
The thing is, I only drink, on average, one cup of tea a month. I'm too lazy to put the kettle on, stick a tea bag in a cup, stir it, add milk etc etc. Then, when I do bother I nearly always forget and by the time I've remembered the kettle's gone cold again... A glass of water is much less work!
In order to get my free monkey I had to buy a box of 160 tea bags - remember: 1 tea bag per month. To get my 'free' monkey I have had to buy 13 years and 4 months worth of tea bags... Hardly 'free' is it?!
MaFt
The thing is, I only drink, on average, one cup of tea a month. I'm too lazy to put the kettle on, stick a tea bag in a cup, stir it, add milk etc etc. Then, when I do bother I nearly always forget and by the time I've remembered the kettle's gone cold again... A glass of water is much less work!
In order to get my free monkey I had to buy a box of 160 tea bags - remember: 1 tea bag per month. To get my 'free' monkey I have had to buy 13 years and 4 months worth of tea bags... Hardly 'free' is it?!
MaFt
Friday, March 09, 2007
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Brushes
A brush is a brush. It serves a very simple purpose: to brush things. And as such they were created as very simple, inelegant and pretty boring organisms. Take, for example a sweeping brush; It has a long pole with bristles on the end. The hair brush has a small handle with bristles on the end. The brush from a dust-pan and brush is a mid-point between these two - it has a medium sized handle with bristles on the end. Generally, the brush species each share the common traits of a handle with bristles on the end. Like I stated earlier, they are simple, boring creatures. They usually live hidden out of sight...
Why then do we put so much emphasis on the bog-brush? Why can't we just let them be a natural species? Why do we need to genetically modify them to produce fancy looking things? Take these examples:
Considering this species of brush is generally used for swishing around in wee and poo infested toilets, you'd think they'd be bred to be a bit plainer like the other brushes...
MaFt
Why then do we put so much emphasis on the bog-brush? Why can't we just let them be a natural species? Why do we need to genetically modify them to produce fancy looking things? Take these examples:
Considering this species of brush is generally used for swishing around in wee and poo infested toilets, you'd think they'd be bred to be a bit plainer like the other brushes...
MaFt
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Busy Busy Busy
Last night I was up until about 1am sorting out both Mini-MaFt's website and getting my head around setting up a Cron job and associated php script to automatically create a backup of a MySQL database...
It was fun, and we got there in the end with some help from the excellent Support guys at Blackfoot Hosting!
Having said that I'm only up to August 2006 for Mini-MaFt's site so there's still a bit more to do...
MaFt
It was fun, and we got there in the end with some help from the excellent Support guys at Blackfoot Hosting!
Having said that I'm only up to August 2006 for Mini-MaFt's site so there's still a bit more to do...
MaFt
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Changes
I've (rather reluctantly) moved my blog back onto the Blogger hosting to take advantage of some of the new features available which they don't let you use if you FTP to your own host...
Because of this you may need to change your link to the RSS feed, if you use it, to this: http://maftmaft.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default
Cheers
MaFt
Because of this you may need to change your link to the RSS feed, if you use it, to this: http://maftmaft.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default
Cheers
MaFt
Monday, February 26, 2007
Not Again...
Carrying on from yesterdays mis-adventure I nearly did the opposite earlier on... King of Shaves shaving gel nearly went in my hair...! Luckily I noticed (unlike yesterday) and didn't actually squeeze any out this time!
I blame a long night with little sleep (cheers Mini-MaFt!)
MaFt
I blame a long night with little sleep (cheers Mini-MaFt!)
MaFt
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Animal Farm
Received this the other day:
Go on, do it for the kids!
MaFt
Dear Reader
Petitioning the Prime Minister seems to be very much in vogue at present, with the media giving a great deal of coverage to Number 10's dedicated website. A new petition has been set up via that website in support of animal research, stating:
Animal research has enabled scientists to find treatments for cancer, vaccines and antibiotics. This does not advocate using animals unnecessarily but animal research is required because sometimes there are no other viable alternatives. In addition it is unrealistic to force animal research to stop by a certain date since nobody can predict future scientific progress in finding other methods that produce accurate results compared with those from animal research. It is for these reasons this petition calls for continued support for animal research.
If you would like to support this petition, it can be found at: http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/animalresearch/
Thanks again for your continuing support.
Yours
Jo
Jo Tanner
Chief Executive
Coalition for Medical Progress
Go on, do it for the kids!
MaFt
Monday, February 12, 2007
The Verdict.
Anyone else watching this? It seems pretty good so far actually but like most 'reality' TV there's a cynical part of me that thinks that it's not going to actually be that real...
The 12 jurors (some random 'celebrities') have to decide the outcome of a rape case. The case is fictional and is based on evidence taken form actors after an unscripted, ad-libbed 'event'. Because of this then surely the witnesses etc aren't going to be realistic as they know all along what happened and that none of it was real... Also, the jurors know none of it was real so they'll have to be very strict with themselves to treat it as such and not to just have fun with it.
Still, it's good telly and the first proper use of my DVD Recorder too! What would have topped it all off though was if they had got Judge Judy to preside over the case!
MaFt
The 12 jurors (some random 'celebrities') have to decide the outcome of a rape case. The case is fictional and is based on evidence taken form actors after an unscripted, ad-libbed 'event'. Because of this then surely the witnesses etc aren't going to be realistic as they know all along what happened and that none of it was real... Also, the jurors know none of it was real so they'll have to be very strict with themselves to treat it as such and not to just have fun with it.
Still, it's good telly and the first proper use of my DVD Recorder too! What would have topped it all off though was if they had got Judge Judy to preside over the case!
MaFt
Thursday, February 08, 2007
How Do The Canadians Do It?
Why does Britain come to a total standstill when there's the slightest bit of snow?!
However, the really annoying thing is that, with working from home, I can no longer phone up and say "My bus hasn't turned up because of the snow so I won't be in work today".
MaFt
However, the really annoying thing is that, with working from home, I can no longer phone up and say "My bus hasn't turned up because of the snow so I won't be in work today".
MaFt
Monday, February 05, 2007
Saturday, January 27, 2007
The Cupboard Conversion
In a bid to create some more space in the attic Mrs-MaFt had this crazy mental idea to convert a cupboard on the landing into a computer area. I had this crazy mental idea to agree and actually pull it off!
First task was to get everything out of there - a set of drawers and a bunch of coats and other random crap. I did find my Voice Of The Mysterons badge though! And once that was done I got measuring - ya know, to make sure it was feasible and so that I didn't have any nasty surprises later on...
Phase 1.5 was to drill a few holes and stick some cables in fr the power. Phase 2 was to stick up a load of brackets for the shelves to sit on:
Just look at the lovely aqua coloured walls...
To cut the shelves I hired a magical saw that cut them itself without any kind of human intervention. As you can see from the photo below, I'm not telling porkies - you can clearly see that there are no hands assisting the saw.
The magical 'self-cutting' saw.
With the drawers cut to size and their perfect fit(!) confirmed I went about painting over the garish aqua with a nice, plain white.
White wash!
The next step was obviously to fit the shelves and then get those painted too. For the keyboard tray I just robbed the rollers from my old computer desk and used those - no point reinventing the wheel eh?
Shelves in place...
...and painted in matching white.
It was then time to move in. All was going well until I tried to put the monitor in... Erm... My measuring clearly wasn't up to scratch as it didn't fit... Neither did the 15inch monitor I swapped it for with Nephew-J... Damn, I'm going to have to buy a nice 19" Widescren TFT monitor. What a shame that will be :D For the meantime I'm using TightVNC to control my PC via the laptop. Works well too!
Anyway, here it is in all it's glory (sans monitor):
Ta-Da!
MaFt
First task was to get everything out of there - a set of drawers and a bunch of coats and other random crap. I did find my Voice Of The Mysterons badge though! And once that was done I got measuring - ya know, to make sure it was feasible and so that I didn't have any nasty surprises later on...
Phase 1.5 was to drill a few holes and stick some cables in fr the power. Phase 2 was to stick up a load of brackets for the shelves to sit on:
Just look at the lovely aqua coloured walls...
To cut the shelves I hired a magical saw that cut them itself without any kind of human intervention. As you can see from the photo below, I'm not telling porkies - you can clearly see that there are no hands assisting the saw.
The magical 'self-cutting' saw.
With the drawers cut to size and their perfect fit(!) confirmed I went about painting over the garish aqua with a nice, plain white.
White wash!
The next step was obviously to fit the shelves and then get those painted too. For the keyboard tray I just robbed the rollers from my old computer desk and used those - no point reinventing the wheel eh?
Shelves in place...
...and painted in matching white.
It was then time to move in. All was going well until I tried to put the monitor in... Erm... My measuring clearly wasn't up to scratch as it didn't fit... Neither did the 15inch monitor I swapped it for with Nephew-J... Damn, I'm going to have to buy a nice 19" Widescren TFT monitor. What a shame that will be :D For the meantime I'm using TightVNC to control my PC via the laptop. Works well too!
Anyway, here it is in all it's glory (sans monitor):
Ta-Da!
MaFt
Friday, January 26, 2007
Update
I'm not ignoring you all, I've just been busy with trying to get stuff sorted at home! I've been busy converting an old cupboard into a computer hideout but my monitor doesn't fit in there so I can't really use it yet (hence the lack of updates).
So, once I'm sorted and can pull a load of pictures off my phone I'll get the blog updated!
Cheers
MaFt
So, once I'm sorted and can pull a load of pictures off my phone I'll get the blog updated!
Cheers
MaFt
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Steven Spiel-MaFt
Blimey, I've let a week slip by again without any posts... So, I'm not sitting here with a pint of Wells Banana Bread Beer bringing you up to speed.
So, basically I've been getting lots of work done - both paid work and unpaid work. I've been a busy bee getting a load of video editing done but have hit a potential stumbling block... Disc space, or rather the lack of it. Never the mind though as I've worked out a way around it - it took a lot longer to work this out than I believe it should have though... I'm just putting the finishing touches to the bonus disc of the Punk Worship DVD I'm doing so once that's burnt I can get rid of the raw footage which will free up enough space (about 30GB) so that I can finish off my wedding video and Brother-A's wedding video.
Once those are done I'll have enough free space to do the main disc of the Punk Worship DVD set, for which I'll need about 45GB just for the raw footage. Then when that's done I can get cracking on Mini-MaFt's First Year DVD and a tonne of other odd little recordings I need to sort out.
It's scary to think that I can happily sit and manipulate 20GB files when only 7 years ago my first computer had a (then) massive 6.4GB hard drive. Big Brother-T said at the time "you'll never need all that space but if you've got the money you may as well have it". Well, now I have 18GB free space out of the 320GB I have available - and I cleared about 10GB the other day just from odd video files knocking about...
Space, the final frontier - I'll never have enough...
MaFt
So, basically I've been getting lots of work done - both paid work and unpaid work. I've been a busy bee getting a load of video editing done but have hit a potential stumbling block... Disc space, or rather the lack of it. Never the mind though as I've worked out a way around it - it took a lot longer to work this out than I believe it should have though... I'm just putting the finishing touches to the bonus disc of the Punk Worship DVD I'm doing so once that's burnt I can get rid of the raw footage which will free up enough space (about 30GB) so that I can finish off my wedding video and Brother-A's wedding video.
Once those are done I'll have enough free space to do the main disc of the Punk Worship DVD set, for which I'll need about 45GB just for the raw footage. Then when that's done I can get cracking on Mini-MaFt's First Year DVD and a tonne of other odd little recordings I need to sort out.
It's scary to think that I can happily sit and manipulate 20GB files when only 7 years ago my first computer had a (then) massive 6.4GB hard drive. Big Brother-T said at the time "you'll never need all that space but if you've got the money you may as well have it". Well, now I have 18GB free space out of the 320GB I have available - and I cleared about 10GB the other day just from odd video files knocking about...
Space, the final frontier - I'll never have enough...
MaFt
Friday, January 05, 2007
Vegetarian Haggis
I'll try anything once. Well, maybe not anything, but most things. When Dougsy the Scottish Beast came down for PW2 last month he brought with him a gift. That gift was a Vegetarian Haggis made by Macsween of Edinburgh.
The other day I finally got around to cooking and eating it. After removing the outer packaging and inner packaging I was faced with this:
The instructions said I could either oven it for 45 minutes, boil it for 45 minutes or microwave it for 8 minutes. Being both a modern man and a lazy man I opted for the microwave approach. This involved having to cut the haggis up into slices:
...slapping it in the microwave...
...and, after 8 minutes, removing the now cooked haggis:
Then came the scary part. Actually eating it! It was quite nutty and stodgy although I think I only managed to finish one slice of it... Don't get me wrong Dougsy, I certainly appreciate the gesture but vegetarian haggis is one thing that is being put on my "I've tried it once, and only once" list. Cheers though!
MaFt
The other day I finally got around to cooking and eating it. After removing the outer packaging and inner packaging I was faced with this:
The instructions said I could either oven it for 45 minutes, boil it for 45 minutes or microwave it for 8 minutes. Being both a modern man and a lazy man I opted for the microwave approach. This involved having to cut the haggis up into slices:
...slapping it in the microwave...
...and, after 8 minutes, removing the now cooked haggis:
Then came the scary part. Actually eating it! It was quite nutty and stodgy although I think I only managed to finish one slice of it... Don't get me wrong Dougsy, I certainly appreciate the gesture but vegetarian haggis is one thing that is being put on my "I've tried it once, and only once" list. Cheers though!
MaFt
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
New Year, Old Jokes
Yesterday we decided to take all the decorations down and rearrange the living room. While we were taking the tree down we realised we had not pulled any crackers! We'd put them on the tree as decorations but owing to us eating out on Christmas day (if you were about to ask, it was pretty crap) and being at various family members' houses for the rest of the week we never had time for them.
So, in case you were wondering on the quality of the gifts and jokes that we had, here is the run down of all 12 jokes and all 12 gifts (in no particular order):
Gifts:
1. Fiddly Metal Toy Thing - one of those little things you fiddle with for hours on end and then finally manage to complete it, only to discover you can't get the thing back together...
2. Wax Crayons - set of 4 (yellow, green, blue and red) wax crayons. Presumably for use with #10. Small, fiddly and hard to hold unless you're a mouse.
3. 'Purple' Pen - a low quality, purple-plastic pen that actually writes in blue. Has a smooth click action for extraction/retraction of the nib. Good, all-round use and can also be used along side #2 with #10.
4. Whoopee Cushion - more of a 'squeek' than a 'parp' but then it's easily portable due to it's small size. You can't have everything, can you?
5. Green Plastic Hair Clip - one for the girls I guess, but I find it hard to imagine an outfit that it would go with. When I do manage to imagine an outfit it may go with it's a truly hideous one...
6. Tape Measure - A whole 60 inches / 5 foot / 150cm. Useful for measuring things less than 1.5m. Not many other uses really.
7. Set of Marbles - 6 marbles in a stunning red bag. Pretty useless really as the rules of marbles clearly state that you need 13 in the middle of the ring and then you need ones to play with... Still, it could be used to add to your marble collection (if you have one).
8. Whistle Lips - simply pop it in your mouth and blow it to make a noise like the secret Thistle Whistle only not as loud and without the Scottish Sea Dragons...
9. Playing Cards - small pack of cards for mouse-sized hands. Crackers seem to cater for very small people. I'm presuming it's a full set as I've not been bothered to open them yet to check; I doubt I ever will either.
10. Notepad - small (mouse-sized?) notepad with special 'silver reflective cover'. Contains 50 sheets (well, I got to 27 and figured I was roughly half-way through) and suitable for use with items #2 and #3.
11. Pink Water-Pistol - holds approximately 7ml of liquid and has a range of around 6 foot (180cm) depending on the Strength-of-Squeeze Factor and other GCSE Physics constants.
12. Star Pencil Sharpener - sharpen pencils and other objects of similar girth. Not suitable for use with #3 but will work with #2 (although no guarantee is given).
Now, onto the 'jokes'. It will soon become clear why I have put the word 'jokes' in quotes... Each 'joke' had a number in the corner, presumably so the monkeys packing the crackers did not duplicate a 'joke' in each set of crackers.
1. What lives at the bottom of the sea and shivers? A nervous wreck.
2. What do you call a crate of ducks? A box of quackery.
3. Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? The breast stroke, sir.
4. Why can't you play cards in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs.
5. What do cannibals play at parties? Swallow my leader.
6. How do you get down from an elephant? You don't, you get down from ducks.
7. What would happen if pigs could fly? Bacon would go up.
8. How do you get two whales in a car? Over the Severn Bridge.
9. Why does a giraffe have such a long neck? Because its feet smell.
10. How do you start a bear race? Readdy, teddy, go.
11. What's sweet and swings through the jungle? Tarzipan.
12. Why did the jelly baby go to school? Because it wanted to be a smartie.
Boom boom! That's the noise the writers of these 'jokes' will be hearing if I ever met one of them... Not that I own a gun, or condone the use of violence...
Happy 2007!
MaFt
So, in case you were wondering on the quality of the gifts and jokes that we had, here is the run down of all 12 jokes and all 12 gifts (in no particular order):
Gifts:
1. Fiddly Metal Toy Thing - one of those little things you fiddle with for hours on end and then finally manage to complete it, only to discover you can't get the thing back together...
2. Wax Crayons - set of 4 (yellow, green, blue and red) wax crayons. Presumably for use with #10. Small, fiddly and hard to hold unless you're a mouse.
3. 'Purple' Pen - a low quality, purple-plastic pen that actually writes in blue. Has a smooth click action for extraction/retraction of the nib. Good, all-round use and can also be used along side #2 with #10.
4. Whoopee Cushion - more of a 'squeek' than a 'parp' but then it's easily portable due to it's small size. You can't have everything, can you?
5. Green Plastic Hair Clip - one for the girls I guess, but I find it hard to imagine an outfit that it would go with. When I do manage to imagine an outfit it may go with it's a truly hideous one...
6. Tape Measure - A whole 60 inches / 5 foot / 150cm. Useful for measuring things less than 1.5m. Not many other uses really.
7. Set of Marbles - 6 marbles in a stunning red bag. Pretty useless really as the rules of marbles clearly state that you need 13 in the middle of the ring and then you need ones to play with... Still, it could be used to add to your marble collection (if you have one).
8. Whistle Lips - simply pop it in your mouth and blow it to make a noise like the secret Thistle Whistle only not as loud and without the Scottish Sea Dragons...
9. Playing Cards - small pack of cards for mouse-sized hands. Crackers seem to cater for very small people. I'm presuming it's a full set as I've not been bothered to open them yet to check; I doubt I ever will either.
10. Notepad - small (mouse-sized?) notepad with special 'silver reflective cover'. Contains 50 sheets (well, I got to 27 and figured I was roughly half-way through) and suitable for use with items #2 and #3.
11. Pink Water-Pistol - holds approximately 7ml of liquid and has a range of around 6 foot (180cm) depending on the Strength-of-Squeeze Factor and other GCSE Physics constants.
12. Star Pencil Sharpener - sharpen pencils and other objects of similar girth. Not suitable for use with #3 but will work with #2 (although no guarantee is given).
Now, onto the 'jokes'. It will soon become clear why I have put the word 'jokes' in quotes... Each 'joke' had a number in the corner, presumably so the monkeys packing the crackers did not duplicate a 'joke' in each set of crackers.
1. What lives at the bottom of the sea and shivers? A nervous wreck.
2. What do you call a crate of ducks? A box of quackery.
3. Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? The breast stroke, sir.
4. Why can't you play cards in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs.
5. What do cannibals play at parties? Swallow my leader.
6. How do you get down from an elephant? You don't, you get down from ducks.
7. What would happen if pigs could fly? Bacon would go up.
8. How do you get two whales in a car? Over the Severn Bridge.
9. Why does a giraffe have such a long neck? Because its feet smell.
10. How do you start a bear race? Readdy, teddy, go.
11. What's sweet and swings through the jungle? Tarzipan.
12. Why did the jelly baby go to school? Because it wanted to be a smartie.
Boom boom! That's the noise the writers of these 'jokes' will be hearing if I ever met one of them... Not that I own a gun, or condone the use of violence...
Happy 2007!
MaFt
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
