New Songs!

Happy CHristmas n all that! Hope you had a good 'un. Hadsome timethis morning to get some new songs sorted - head on over to the main site to hear a new punk worship song and a cover of Cheap Trick's 'Surrender'.

Enjoy!

MaFt

Break time

Seeing as it's christmas i thought i'd have a break from blogging! i may pop in a couple of times but we're gonna be pretty busy! so, have a good un and i'll catch up int' new year! MaFt

There Are Only 26 Letters In The Alphabet

Galileo, Europe's Sat Nav, Satellite Launched

There are going to be 30 satellites used in the Galileo System. They decided to call them Galileo-A, Galileo-B etc - does anyone else see the problem with this?!

MaFt

Inventions

Here's a list of things I plan to invent in order to winthe coveted, and somewhat imaginary, 'Things That Should Never Have Been Invented Due To Obvious Design Flaws And Occasional Bad Understanding Of The Laws Of Physics' award:

• The Solar Powered Torch: An amazing feat to produce perpetual light. Although the laws of physics say it is impossible, it could still work - simply charge it up with some natural sunlight and the zero-resistance of all the components (made of previously invented 'super-mega conductors') will illuminate the zero-resistance bulb. Once lit, a carefully arranged set of super-shiny mirrors will guide the light beam back to the solar panel to keep the torch charged. This means that not only do you no longer require batteries, but you will never run out of light again!
• The Underwater Ironing Board: Ever been so short for time that you couldn't decide between doing the ironing or going swimming? Well, now you can do both. Many local swimming pools have already signed-up to get one or more installed permanently to the floor of their pool. An ingenious and patented 'Bubble' (water-proof pouch) means that the garment you are ironing will stay dry. MaFt Enterprises accepts no responsibility for garments damaged by water & chlorine whilst transferring them through the pool into the pouch.
• The Ultimate Spam-Guard: A very easy one this, it blocks every incoming email.You can send emails but never receive them. Great for offending people without any comeback. Guaranteed to stop 100% of spam.

There maybe more tomorrow!

MaFt The Inventor

That Was Quick!

Date: Tue, 20 Dec 2005 15:52:00 -0000 [15:52:00 GMT]
From: Landmark Info United Kingdom
To: Matthew Morley
Subject: Re: STOP FREAKIN' PHONING ME

Dear Mr Morley,

We have removed mobile number 07********* from our automatic dialer as requested.

Regards, Landmark customer services

Landmark Communications

Having got pissed off with receiving 5 calls in the last week from Landmark Communications (01554754901, 16-18 Cowell Street, Llanelli, [the operator didn't know the post code]) I decided to send them this email:

*****
Date: Tue, 20 Dec 2005 15:45:29 +0000 [15:45:29 GMT]
From: MaFt United Kingdom
To: info@landmarkmobile.co.uk
Subject: STOP FREAKIN' PHONING ME

i am sick of being phoned by your company. i do not want another mobile phone contract. if i did i would go somewhere that a) i have heard of, and b) that
didn't keep bloody phoning me while i'm at work!

you have been reported to the TPS even though you claim "it doesn't matter
because we use random numbers" - however it is still an nuisance and unwanted call.

my number is 07*********. if i get another call from you then you can expect to
receive a lot of insults and possibly some expletives. you have been warned.

Matthew Morley

--
http://maft.co.uk

*****

I wonder if I'll get a response?

MaFt

PS - this isn't why I was annoyed yesterday!

Arse Cakes

Massive, pissing great arse cakes. That's how I feel today, how about you?



MaFt

Today I Will Be Mostly...

...drinking beer :D

9am - start work
9am - meeting
10.30am - kill time
11am meet for wine & mince pies and the results of the photo competition
12noon - taxi'd to the Bossa Nova in Shipley
1pm - Christmas meal
3pm - Pubs
6pm - break off for 2 hours for the dress rehearsal of Church Christmas Production
8pm - Pubs
1am - Stagger home...

Enjoy your day, I know I will!

MaFt

My First Legal Music Download / Purchase

WooHoo! I just downloaded my first piece of legally purchased digital music! I got Vanilla Pod's 'Surrounded By Idiots' from this site. £7.99 for the full album in mp3 format ready to burn to a legal CD :). Seems like a good idea to me, I've always been put off in the past from legal downloads cos most sites usually have just chart music for download and not much of the stuff I'm into. So yeah, oretty chuffed with it now :D

Ta-Ra

MaFt

This Will Probably Be Random

OK, so I lied the other day when I said there'd be a big post to make up for a shortage this week! Well, today I really am going to make up for it! Ya see, I'm just going to type completely random thoughts for a while. To avoid thinking too much I'm not going to check over it so apologies in advance for any glaring spelling mistakes...

I really don't have anything to write about that I can think of, nothing of interest at least. So, here goes, switch off normal thoughts and let the babbling begin:

I found today a new site for legal downloads of decent music. So instead of having to filter through a load of dance and R&B to get to some half-decent radio-friendly rock/punk/ska/metal I can now get the proper stuff from Punk Metal Downloads - there's lots of great UK bands on their too, stuff like Captain Everything, Vanilla Pod, Capdown, The Maple State, The Filaments etc. All good stuff! If only it'll let me buy the Vanilla Pod album I wanted... For some reason it won't let me add money to the account I opened with SecureAccount.net. Damn technology, making me get excited for nothing. Imagin a shop doing that - getting to the till, you give them your card, they swipe it etc etc then they say "Sorry, you can't have it now - computer says 'no'". Thinking about it, that happened once...

It was at Sainsbury's in Lancaster, it was near the end of term so the student loan and overdrafts were almost empty. However, I knew I had about £20 in my account so I made sure I only spent about £10. Got to the till and they put the card through and the 'Till Operator' just sat there. I had a sense of impending doom and asked him what was happening. He replied along the lines of "it's just taking a while to go through, try not to worry". He then pressed the button to call the manager so I asked him what was wrong. He sat there, blank, as though we'd known each other for years and I'd just shat on him completely out of the blue...

The manager came along and the 'Till Operator' explained to the manager in some kind of gibberish code ("Code 50 to the fire sir, ten-hut") - the manager then turned to me and explained that "there's not enough money in your account for this purchase". "Bollocks" I thought, it's not even a tenner! At this point I was a bit (well, very) embarrassed as the queue of adult shoppers was building up mocking this poor, scruffy student for not having enough to buy £9.64 of groceries... Thankfully my mate, Scru', was there to bail me out and he paid it for me. He's from Knutsford, they're posh there and so had more money in his account. Either that or he didn't buy as many CD's as me...

So, anyway, after the whole embarrasing thing I went outside to the cash amchine to check my balance - I had £9.43... You'd have thought the bank would have let me go 21p over my overdraft wouldn't you?! Robbing sods...

Well, that'll do for now! See, It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be actually!

See ya

MaFt

This Isn't Goodbye, This Is I Can't Stand You

Mark and Travis (ex-Blink 182)'s new band, +44, have a song on their site at http://www.plusfortyfour.com - sounds pretty good. A bit like a blink b-side, but it should be good! Just a short advert today, nothing else. I promise there'll bea wonderful post tomorrow though.

MaFt

The Old Ones Are The Funny Ones!

Just been to guildford to see me grandma so she could see mini-MaFt. while we were in the care home brother-a sent a text to dad saying 'say hello to grandma'. dad passed on the message and she looked at me and pointed, then asked my dad 'well, who's that then?'. bless her! we took a few photo's too and some of the old biddies started saying how there must be a storm coming because of all the lightning! just to wind them up mrs-MaFt carried on taking photo's with the flash on... old people make me laugh! MaFt

Spam Up!

I see that Spam has been ressurected again but I feel that Monty Python had a better advertising plan than just saying 'Spam Up' - repetition of the word 'Spam' was much more effective!

So, anyway, I changed the settings on my email server to automatically delete my spam emails. Previously I received the email with a big list of reasons why Spam Assassin had labelled it as spam. You get to give it a numerical value that it marks as spam - i.e. if you have it set at 4.5 then it needs to receive 4.5 points to be labelled as spam. As most crap emails that I got were over 6 pointsi decided to set it to 6.1 and to automatically delete the annoying emails. It's great! I now only get on average 2 or 3 spam emails per week as opposed to 10-15 per day.

No more will I be plagued with offers to cure my impotence with cialis or viagra, to pay off my entire debt with no need to send any money, to get cheap pharma goods from china, to see butt-naked ladies doing unnatural things with dogs... There is one downside though, the various dead ministers/kings/pharoahs/jugglers of Africa will not be able to get in touch with me to let me know I've inherited their life-savings and that only I can help by providing them with a UK bank account. I think I can live with that though.

MaFt

Return Of The MaFti

OK, so I'm back at work now so no more mobile-blogging! Damn, that was a nightmare typing all that in predictive text...

So, what have a ya missed? Quite a few things actually! Mini-MaFt deciding he didn't want to sleep anymore and completely knackering me and Mrs-MaFt out every night. I've also been doing boring other things that just won't be of any interest to this blog; things such as: tidying, putting up Christmas decorations (no tree yet though), sorting through boxes of junk, learning the words for Uncle Yule (for the church Christmas presentation), trying to source a zimmer-frame for Uncle Yule, listening to radio-friendly pop-rock bands, eating Lemsip (it's one of those things I wouldn't recommend) and trying to author DVD's from a years worth of camcorder footage!

Speaking of Christmas trees, I wonder what the first purveyors of finest Christmas trees did for a living while their initial stock was growing? I'm guessing there would have had to have been at least 20 or 30 years until they had something even slightly saleable?

Right, I'm off to do some work for a bit!

MaFt

Carpets (again)

We got a new carpet fitted today in the lounge. we seemed to have picked a decent company this time as well! that's all for home improvements for now though! i might have a bit of time for sorting out holiday videos and burning DVD's from them. being a dad's dead tiring, does anyone want to borrow mini-MaFt for a week or three? you could use him to get money from ex-boyfriends by saying he's their son. all i ask is for a cut of 40% but if the taxman catches up it's nothing to do with me, and you could face a prison sentence for both fraud and child theft. like i say, it would all be your idea, and remember i can easily delete this blog entry... MaFt

Sleepless nights again...

Mobile blog again! mrs-MaFt ok but tired and in pain. mini-MaFt has a chest infection that the doctors don't seem to give a crap about! he can't breathe when he lays down which makes for great fun at night... surely they should give him an inhaler or nebuliser or something... poor little mite. ah well, see ya round. i'll have a lot of blog reading to do when i get back to work! MaFt

Mobile-Tastic!

I'm trying the email from a mobile blog entry today! sat in hospital waiting for mrs MaFt to get operated on. bored and hungry! currently writing christmas cards, how organised is that? it's not me who's organised though... not much else to say, let's hope i can remember the secret email to get this added to the blog. ooh, just looked out the window and it's snowing! the weather man was only 3 days late... see ya! MaFt

Ivy Saves The Day

I am going to hate Christmas when Mini-MaFt grows up! Sis-In-Law-H's daughter (Neice-S2 [Neice-S1 is Brother-T's daughter]) wanted a Barbie Pegasus Styling Horse Head Thing for Christmas, so Uncle-MaFt was called in to search t'internet to find one.

You'd think it'd be pretty easy. So did I - loads of shops sold them, but hardly any had them in stock... The best place to buy was from eBay where the average price ended up about £45 plus a fortune for postage, or Amazon who wanted £45 via a 3rd party seller. Argos had them for £19.99 and a fiver postage but none in stock for home delivery. So, I started checking stock levels at the local Argos stores. None. I spread myself further afield and found one in Keighley. So I reserved it and Mrs-MaFt, with the aid of Ivy the SatNav and some wonderful POI's she got to Keighley to pick the last one up from their store.

How much hassle? Far too much! When Mini-MaFt is bigger he can have a satsuma in a stocking and a Beano Annual. If he's lucky he can have a torch too.

MaFt

Illness

Yesterday I had a bout of squirty-bum. I was shivering and aching and it sucked big-time! Today I'm a bit better, but still have some squirty-bum. However, unlike last time I only took one imodium tablet and not three.

The League of Gent's was very good - the 2nd half was definately better than the 1st though. The first half was essentially a load of short sketches loosely tied together as being 'auditions' whereas the 2nd half was a simple piss-take of every pantomime ever written and/or performed. Highly recommended if there are any tickets left!

That's all for now.

MaFt

The Geeky Cats Are Behind You!

I've just bought a domain name for my geek site: garminpoi.co.uk using the money I got from Google Adsense. There's some change as well so I might get some sweets too and tell my dad it cost more than it really did. Do kids still do that these days?

We decided to keep the cats (for now). So Barnze: thanks for the offer, but I won't need your shotgun now.

Off to see The League Of Gentlemen Are Behind You tonight at George's Hall in Bradford. It should be good, apparently it's a pantomime. Well, knowing their characters I'm sure they won't be short of any dames. Why does most UK comedy revolve around blokes in dresses? Little Britain, Monty Python, The League of Gentlemen, Eddie Izzard...

Anyway, I have work to do, contrary to Brother-A's beliefs, I do actually do more than blogging here ;)

MaFt

Cats? Anyone?

We've come to the decision, and a bloody hard one too, that we're going to get rid of Kia and Tinkle. It's no good with Mini-MaFt cos they're not getting the attention they want (obviously Mini-MaFt takes up nearly all our time!) and they end up wrecking the couch and carpets etc etc. It'd be better for them in another house where they'll get attention. So, if you're around the Bradford area and want a couple of cats then drop me a line and we'll get it sorted.

I'll be sad to see them go, but times they are-a-changing.n

Here they are:

Kia	Tinkle

MaFt

PS - No sarcastic comments Barnze!

My Life Behind Bars

Thanks to User Bars and Rate My Pizza.

MaFt

Diet Coke

I stumbled across this: Ultra Ultra Rare Soda Can

It's an empty can of Diet Coke but it's still sealed. Wow... erm... great..?! I sent him an email asking about it:

"Hi, you say the can is fully submergible but the photo's clearly show it floating. Can you provide more infomation please? I really want to buy this piece of absolute tat."

I didn't use that last part...

His reply this morning was: "Sorry for the misunderstanding. What I mean't by submergible is that it can go under water and no water will be able to go in because the can is fully sealed. By using the word submergible, I was trying to emphasis the fact that it is sealed completely."

Now, my understanding of the word submergible is 'capable of being immersed in water or functioning while submerged'. By using the word submergible, the seller was trying to emphasise the fact that it is fully sealed - well, why not say it's fully sealed? If it was open it would still be submergible...

Needless to say, the seller is American!

MaFt

Fixed It!

Smart, I have my Device Manager back again now! Using a nifty tool called RegMon that shows everything happening in the registry. I opened up device manager and saw lots of entries in 'HKLM\SYSTEM\ControlSet\PCI' there were lots of clearly corrupt entries along the lines of $%&'()+,-./0123 repeated over and over and over. I just deleted these, and the ones in ControlSet001 and ControlSet003 and it'sback!

Fantastic! My PC is back to normal (ish).

MaFt

JUMP!

World Jump Day/

Don't forget now, they'll even send you an email reminder the day before ;)

MaFt

Photo's, Wedding, Movies, Broken Computers

My computer is being dumb - I have an empty Device Manager! It was dumber before but DTN recommended I try Registry Mechanic which fixed lots of the minor annoyances that had built up over time. In fact, it fixed 824 registry anomolies / errors! However, it didn't return my Device Manager. Not a major thing until I want to update som drivers - but I have a few more tricks up my sleeve from searching various forums.

Brother-A, who's getting married tomorrow (after the whole Mexico curfuffle they managed to get an emergency license usually given out to people with a terminal illness who want to make sure their finances are safe with a feisty young blond who 'really loves him for who he is, not for his money'...). Anyway, the point being that Brother-A asked me / I offered to make a DVD of photo's from the wedding and the service to show during the evening's partay. I seem to have been rather naive in thinking there'd be 10 or 20 photo's when in fact there are 251... I quick change of plan and I found that Google's Picasa will make photo's into a fancy, faded in and out etc, avi file that I can use to make a DVD. Best of all, it's free!

So, busy night tonight, busy day tomorrow (I also learnt last night that there's a rehearsal for the church christmas production [in which I've been asked to play an American country bumpkin called 'Uncle Yule'] in the morning...). I might get a rest on Sunday (doubt it though, Mrs-MaFt will have something planned!)

See ya

MaFt

Quiz Time

PC Driving Test

I got 30 out of 30 - I rule :)

Post a comment to let me know how rubbish you are and how good I am ;)

MaFt

Talk To The Car 'Cos The Hand Ain't Listening

I walked the 4.5 miles to work this morning. I couldn't blag a lift from my usual source cos he was starting earlier and I didn't want to pay £2 to get to work. So I walked. It took just over an hour which i didn't think was too bad!

On the way down I saw a new billboard poster for the new Ford Fiesta - my initial thought was that it looks like the old Vauxhall Corsa. Then I read a bit of the smaller print that said 'The New Voice-Controlled Fiesta'. Voice-controlled eh? Fantastic! I wonder how voice controlled it is. Is it just 'wipers on', 'wipers off', 'heater on' etc or have they gone the whole hog and got voice-controlled steering?

Imagine: 'turn left' and the car goes left; 'shit, the lights were red' and the car suddenly stops and reverses back a bit... All you'd need is sat-nav: 'in point one miles enter roundabout and take 3rd exit' - the car would do the rest and you'd get to sit back and relax.

The only problem I can see that there might be is in a car without sat-nav and husband and wife are arguing: 'turn left!', 'no! turn right!' and the car splits in two down the middle...

MaFt

Attack Of The Killer Ducks

At Ribby Hall (can't be bothered making a link, read yesterdays post!) our cottage was on the edge of a small lake / large pond. As you would expect, there were a lot of ducks around; fat ducks, i mean, really fat ducks. I don't think I saw any of them flying. I don't think any of them could.

They were a bit scary too. If you opened the door they assumed you would be feeding them (as if they needed it) and charged quackily towards the door. In fact, in order to get the fat quackers charging at you you merely had to flick the latch on the doors and they'd come running.

I filmed this happening, and if I get time to sort it out I'll post it on here in the next few days. For fat ducks, they can't half move quickly!

MaFt

Back Once Again (With The Renegade Masters, Beedum Bah-Hum Flibby Dib Tastic)

Does any one know the actual words of the song referenced in the title? Does anyone know which song I'm on about?!

Anyway, we've been away (again) on a Mini-MaFt free weekend at Ribby Hall. Right nice it was, but it was cold wet and windy for most of it - although we expected that anyway! Shame the fireworks on Blackpool Beach got cancelled cos of the wind. We're hoping to go again next summer and stay in one of the log cabins...

Not really been up to much else except for starting to move things up to the attic and doing a bit of singing/recording for another punk worship song. I'llpost a link whenI'm happy with the final mix!

That's all for now, got loads of washing to sort through - might even do some ironing as well.

MaFt

Carpet Fitters

Bloody carpet fitters are useless. In fact, any company to whom you pay money for them to come at an agreed time period are bloody useless. "We'll be there in the morning" - it's a big enough window - why not stick to it?!

Imagine the other way round:

Company: You promised to pay for the job when we'd finished.
MaFt: Yes.
C: Well, why haven't you paid?
M: I'll pay after you've finished it.
C: We've finished it, where's our money?
M: I'll pay when I'm ready to pay. I never said it would be as soon as you'd finished it.
C: But you promised!
M: I didn't, I just gave you a period when I should be able to pay. I'm not able to give you an exact time. It's not company policy...

It wouldn't wash, would it?!

MaFt

Minge

See Minge Here



I've been dying for something like this to happen with the Blogger word verification thing for comments... Shame that google won the race!

MaFt

Breaking The Clocks

I never realised how many things we owned that had clocks in them. yesterday we spent ages finding all the things that needed the clocks changing on them - I wish more things would change automatically!

Here's a rough list of what we had to change:
3 x wall clock (2 x bedroom, lounge)
4 x watch (2 x digital, 2 x analogue)
2 x digital camera
1 x digital camcorder
1 x oven
1 x microwave
2 x vcr (for some reason they didn't change on their own this time)
1 x car clock
1 x mp3 player

The only things that changed on their own were the Telewest Digital box and the computer!

Also, everything seems to break at the same time too... our hoover blew up the other day, the microwave is on it's way out, there's a hole in the back of the fridge (but at least the light still works) and my monitor has started flickering and wobbling!

Great!

MaFt

Back Safe

Been away for a week with family - getting called Aunt Maff by Neice-P! Family back from Mexico, shaken up but alive. Will post more later.

MaFt

Update On The Hurricane Wilma Thing...

Got a text today from Brother-A. It'd have been quite funny but given the circumstances I feel pretty damn sorry for them all.

"had no signal for a few days. But ok. Very grim.living hell actually. Left cinema, staying in piss filled car park 4 now All ok but nobody knows whats going on."

We were pissed that our vacuum cleanerjust blew up, but I guess that message kinda reminds me that things could be worse...

MaFt

PS - cheers for your concern guys (Barnze & Bli - must be a 'B' thing)

Panicing A Bit

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9710472/
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4362076.stm#

Brother-A, Future-Sis-In-Law-S, Mum, Dad and S's parents are all in Mexico at the moment for the wedding. Last we heard they had been evacuated to Cancun, then again to a cinema and given a pillow and a blanket...

This sucks, it was supposed to be a happy time and I'm guessing the wedding on the island of Cozumel won't be happening on Monday...

MaFt

Yahoo!

I am officially a First Aider and officially tired. See ya soon!



MaFt

Difficulties

Evenin' all! Not blogged for a few days for a couple of reasons - we've started decorating the attic for proper now (and I'm tellin' ya, it's bloody hard painting with a small child. Their hair gets matted with paint for onething...) and I'm on a First Aid At Work course with old St. John so no interwebnet during the day :(

Anyway, got to get back to decorating but thought I should let ya know I aint dead!

MaFt

Since When Has A Geek Been So Popular?

My geek site has had 993 visits in the last 11 days! Wow, I'm impressed! I've also earned 74cents from Google AdSense since yesterday! That's where the money is, forget making the lives of diabetics easier...

MaFt

More Good News

Exubera has been approved for use in the EU - more info here: Nektar Press Release.

Steve-The-Builder has finished his part of the work, all that remains now is to patch in all the bits he missed (why can't professionals ever get it right?) and decorate away! It's just finding time to do it that's the problem...

Might post something more interesting later!

MaFt

Cats

Just followed a link on Barnze's blog to this forum thread by him: This Is Nottingham Forums

Made me laugh!! I mean, how can anyone not see the funny side of his posts? Even me, a cat lover (well, not really lover, usually cat luster - ya see they don't cry so much when they realise they've been used...) found some of them hilarious! Especially the Dyson one!

Check them out, and check out his cat-hating site too.

MaFt

128

This is my 128th post to this blog accoring to the Blogger Dashboard. Wow, 128 generally pointless articles ranging from badgers and cat murders to building design and fences. What a fascinating world I live in. Just a shame no one else is on the same planet...

Steve-The-Builder has nearly finished "The Great Attic Conversion" - which is nice, cos it means we'll be able to resume normality again and maybe live in a dust-free house. I bet it's done wonders to our lungs!

Mrs-L dropped her sprog the other day (congrats by the way, just in case you ever read this!) - they named him Mini-Mr&Mrs-L - it's a bit of a mouthful but it helps with anonymity ;) I was thinking on the way home yesterday (I do lots of random thinking when I'm on my bike) that if Mini-MaFt had been a girl it would have been a nightmare! Imagine having to write Mini-Mrs-MaFt every time?! That'd be four extra keystrokes every time (s)he was mentioned. It'd give me a high score in the non-existant National Alliteration Championships though. I'd have had aching hands by now, especially after 128 posts.

See ya!

Maxi-MaFt

Badgers

Badger Cull Must Be Considered

Kill the badgers? Why? All the one that I've seen has been dead anyway... What a waste of money, who cares if a cow has TB? It's gonna get cut up and eaten anyway.

For once, I'm on the side of the environmentalists - I don't think we should kill (let's face it, 'cull' is just a nice word for 'kill') the badgers. First of all they look ace and second of all I'd like to see at least one living one...

MaFt

Why Won't Anything Work Proper?!

Very tired, rather busy too! So short entry today!

So, here’s what I’ve been up to:

• Painting stair-well before new steps get put in (Steve-The-Builder has almost finished now)
• Seeing Brother-A and Future-Sister-in-Law-S off with a meal at the Connection last night (they’re off to Mexico to get married)
• Being woken up lots at night with a whingy Mini-MaFt who has decided he doesn’t want to sleep much (both me and Mrs-MaFt are knackered)
• Trying to sort out problems with the mailing list on the i3 site I did last week (note to self: don’t even bother trying to learn PHP – let the professionals do it and just steal their code!)
• Trying to get Outlook to book a room for a meeting at work (everyone else can do it, just not me…)

Anyway, that’s it for now! Will post more when I’m more awake and no so p**sed off!

MaFt

Dammit

I left my lunch at home... I'm hungry... I'm not looking forward to toast from the staff kitchen... I need more than that...

LIFE IS SO UNFAIR!

MaFt

PS - how's my melodramatical skills?

I've Been A Geek

I’ve been a bit of a geek… On the Pocket GPS World forums I’m seen as a bit of a guru in terms of the Garmin i3 SatNav we got the other month. Mainly because I like to mess with stuff and figured out how to get the speed camera database and loads of other POI’s (points of interest) onto it. So, fed up of being asked lots of questions about it (but rather pleased to be thanked so many times) I decided to set up one of those really geeky ‘How To’ web pages at http://maft.co.uk/i3 – it looks really crap at the moment but it didn’t take long to knock up. I intend making it a bit more of a mini-site with a few separate sections rather than just a single page, but it got twenty nine visits in the first three hours which isn’t bad! I’ve also had two emails already from people asking to be told when I upload a new file.

Groovy! Oh, to be popular!

MaFt

Christmas Badgers

It's the last day of September today. Can't believe how fast the year has gone so far... Mini-MaFt is almost four months old, I've been in this job, and by far my favourite, for over five months and it'll soon be Christmas!

It's Christmas now according to the few high street stores that have started their Christmas displays - and I'm sure there'll be more of them soon too. However, I'm not going to waste a whole post talking about how early shops get their Christmas stuff out cos no doubt if you click on the 'Next Blog' button there'll be a plethora of such posts. So I'm gonna be different and talk about Badgers.

Badgers are cute anaimals that live in the wild in Britain - they tend to hide away and only come out to be hunted. In my whole 25 years of life I've only seen one badger; it was dead on the side of the road somewhere in Kent.

There are three types of badger as high-lighted below:

1: Solid Badgers

Solid badgers tend to live in forests in houses that they call 'sets'

2: Liquid Badgers

Liquid Badgers are much more healthy - you don't get the fur stuck in your teeth and they make you feel all nice and friendly after a few

3: Gas Badgers
Gas Badgers are quite excitable and it's hard to find a photo of them in their natural state. They live near mushrooms and can be seen in action on this web site

Have a good weekend!

MaFt

Sandwiches? Everyone Likes Sandwiches

Barnze: Here's a bit of trumpet-punk for ya: Five Iron Frenzy - "At Least I'm Not Like All Those Other Old Guys"

So, last night after Steve-The-Builder had left we snuck/snook/sneeked (what the hell is the past tense of the verb 'to sneek'?) anyway, we went up to the attic with the aid of Steve-The-Builders ladder which he had mistakenly left behind. Thankfully, he wasn't growing weed in our attic, or any other illicit substances either. However, there were the bodies of three children that have been missing since 1944. They're not in a good state, as you'd probably expect. We assumed he was going to hide them behind the plasterboard so no one would ever find them but then they suddenly lifted their heads up, stared at us (we could see down their eyes into the darkest depths of hell itself) then disappeared with a puff. I have no idea why Steve-The-Builder also kept a puff in our attic - I presume to blow the dust away when he's cutting up bodies, ahem... i mean boards. So, it turned out to be a wonderful trick of the light through the new Velux window. If only Scooby and Scrappy had been around, they'd have twigged soon enough.

MaFt

The preceding post contained scenes of mild peril and should not have been read by small children. It may have contained some untruths too. Maybe.

Five Iron Frenzy

Even though they split up ages ago, Five Iron Frenzy are currently my favourite band. I've been listening to them on my mp3 player non-stop for the last 3 days now... Check them out if you like a bit of perky ska-punk, along with the singers new band: Roper

MaFt

HERE ME NOW!

Hello. Nothing really to report other than I left Thunderbird sending a big email this morning and forgot to close it (Norton takes ages scanning outgoing emails with big attachments so I had to leave it for a while). No big problem really, just means I can't check my email online cos whenever there's a new one it'll get downloaded straight away! Doh!

Last night I went for a curry after work with Leon (aka Tyke from Barnsley), Dave (aka DTN from Lancaster) and Thea (from Holland). It was very nice, and cool to meet Thea (never seen her before, she was staying with Tyke for the week) and good to catch up with Tyke who I've not seen since going to see Bowling For Soup last year! After curry we then went back to our for a bit to play with the cats before they went to a gig in Manchester.

So there, that's it! Boring eh?! Hopefully there'll be more news on the attic upgrade but Steve-The-Builder took the ladder down and we can't get up to see. Hope he's not growing weed or carrying out any other illegal hobbies while we can't check up on him...

Happy Birthdays to Mr-A and Dad - 27 and 59 respectively.

MaFt

i First, u Last

iFirstAid

This is quite a cool idea - you can download mp3 files from St John Ambulance to use on your mp3 player that tell you how to administer various types of first aid.

Nice idea in theory, but if I was lying damaged in the road and some random person came along to help me I'd expect them to have a bit more knowledge than "Oh, I downloaded my first aid skills from the internet". I can just see them listening to the instructions while carrying out the first aid - rather than actually learning it beforehand. I'm doing a St John Ambulance first aid course in October so I might just tell them I'll download the instructions and have four days off work instead...

Put my life in the hands of some iPod fashion victim? I'd rather eat a tomato...

MaFt

PS - I don't like tomatoes

Mmmm, Pie!

This is suitable material for an episode of 'Weebl and Bob' - all about pi(e)

Clicky here

MaFt

Just Wondering...

My brother, Mr-A, told me recently that he feels obliged to read my blog cos he has Thunderbird set up to use the rss feed and it pops up everytime I post.

So, this is basically just an open question: do you still feel obliged to read? Even after posting the 'super hero' photo?

MaFt

(Worm) Holes

We have a bloody great big hole in our landing wall. Our perfectly good landing wall. A hole... This is now the point of no return in "The Great Attic Conversion". Apologies for the naff quality of the photo but I still haven't turned my PC on yet so I emailed this from my phone:


The Hole

A great thing about Blogger is that you can, if you so desire, set the date and time of the post to whatever you want. Useful for when you're doing a 'learning a new thing everyday' blog and you forgot to post one day... ;) So, just to make you aware I have now got my hands on a time machine and am writing this from the future. The future isn't actually orange - it's pretty much the same but you've all aged more than me. However, to avoid drawing attention to myself I've decided to set Blogger to use 'Old Time' dates (that's what we call 'The Past' here - we're so crazy in future world) so no one will ever know.

Take care back there in Old Time.

MaFt (the capital 'F' is for Future)

Gone Phishing

Dunno why but I decided to follow up on one of those "Your PayPal account needs updating" spoof's. They certainly look the part. Just write any old bollocks in the sign in page and you get asked to input the following:

"Update Your Paypal Account:
Enter Your Information

Your Address Information - Begin building your profile by entering your name and address as you have it listed for your credit card or bank account.

First Name:
Last Name:

Address 1:
Address 2:
(optional)
City:
State:
ZIP Code: (5 or 9 digits)
Country:

Home Telephone:

Work Telephone:
(optional)

Credit Card - Update your credit card for your security

Name on Credit Card:
Card Type :
Number on Credit Crad:
Expiration Date:
Card Verification Number:
PIN: (Why is your PIN required?)
Bank Routing Number:
Bank Account Number:
Mother's Maiden Name:
Social Security Number: "

Why would anyone fill this out? I mean, there must be some people that do else the spoofers wouldn't carry on!

The bit that made me laugh most was when you click the "Why is your pin required" link it gives you this:

"Why is your PIN required?

From December 10th 2004 PayPal requires your Personal Identification Number. This is the latest security measure against: identity theft, credit card fraud and unauthorized account access. PayPal will verify it with your bank records for your own protection.

If you provide a wrong PIN your account will be suspended for unauthorized account access. Due our latest security improvements PayPal became a global leader in online payments."

How cheeky are these people...?

MaFt

Windows

No, I'm not on a mission from Microsoft, but just telling my dear readers that we now have a window in the attic. However, Steve-The-Builder has removed the loft ladder so I couldn't get up to see what else he did yesterday... I'd also post some photo's of the work so far but my computer is turned off ready for when he starts knocking walls down and has to switch off the electrics.

I hate turning my computer off! It freaks me out every time! I don't know why though, I think I just got used to it being on all the time and panic that it won't start up again later on... If I had wood I'd touch it (that sounds a bit rude) in the hope that it will assist in restoring power to my PC. Question for you: where does the phrase 'touch wood' come from? I could google it but can't be bothered - today I want the moon on a stick.

Take care

MaFt

Sleeptastic

At half past 18pm in the evening last night I went to lie down for half an hour with Mini-MaFt. Next thing I knew Mrs-MaFt was waking me up and saying "It's quarter-to-ten", "really?", "Yes".

My first thought was "I have never been this late for work..." and then it slowly dawned on me that it was 9:45pm not am and I was still fully clothed! Bizarre. Still, At least I caught up on a bit of sleep!

MaFt

It Begins

Well, Steve-The-Builder made a start. He pulled up all the old bits of flooring (and after all my hard work!) and cut a hole in the roof to bring in a 17 foot long piece of timber for the new floor. Along with that and a bunch of other bits of timber he's pretty much built a new frame for the new floor to sit on - the new level floor that doesn't slope down 5 inches across 10 feet!

The royal family came around again the other day and King Bli made use of my scanner (his being from 1825 and encorporating ye olde scsieee thus meaning it couldn't be used on his fancy little shuttle system). He was scanning in some pencil drawings (him being an artist and all that) which looked pretty impressive, I may upload one or two small versions of them, particularly the dragon/dinosaur thingy one... I'll get permission first though (either cos I'm nice, or stupid).

Mini-MaFt's in his own bedroom now, this is ace cos it means he now manages to sleep through from about 9pm until 7am - no more tired MaFt & Mrs-MaFt! Huzzah!

Ta-ra for now

MaFt

Delays Already!

In true builder-style, Steve-The-Builder has delayed starting out attic by one day. It could have been worse though - he could have come early! I didn't manage to clear everything out of the attic last night... According to Steve-The-Builder he'll be sorting out the Velux window as his first job.

We'll see how it goes! Nothing much else to report I'm afraid!

MaFt

Final Preperations

Well, tomorrow is Day 1 of 'The Great Attic Conversion'. Well, not really a conversion, it's still going to be an attic, just a nicely re-floored and boarded out attic in which we can keep things that won't fall through the ceiling into the bed. I still have a few bits to remove before Steve The Builder makes a start - namely the drawers, shelves, spare roll of carpet, spare laminate flooring, the dartboard/backboard, the chair and a bunch of other odd little bits. Tonight will be quite busy...

I'm hungry now so I'm off for some food. Then we get champagne and nibbles this afternoon - this was cool to hear this morning as I thought it was Friday and not today! Depending how generous they are I may be pushing my bike home tonight!

MaFt

PS - be kind to the cats

Dedication Weekend

Friday: Jim arrived and we went to see The Chucky NoSTARS and Fineapple at Rio's. A reasonable number of pints were drunk and had a great night. Oh, and Jim spilled his pint on the merch desk... doh!

Saturday: Did some shopping with Mrs-MaFt, mini-MaFt and Jim. Forget to get my watch strap fixed which had snapped a few days before (I'm currently using my posh 'going out' watch - just don't want to knacker it!). Dave The Nut arrived early evening and we stayed in listening to music, watching The Toy Dolls live DVD and chilling out with some beers. Oh, and Jim spilled his beer on the table/floor... doh!

Sunday: 00:03 I picked up Mr & Mrs Shoetree from Bradford interchange and droppped them off at my mum and dad's seeing as our house was full!

Sunday: In the real morning, we got ready after bacon butties for breakfast and put mini-MaFt in his Dedication outfit (it was actually a Christening outfit but no one knew the difference ;) ). Had the dedication service, the church was packed (about 80 or 90 extra people in there!) then went to the pub for food and drinks. All my mates finally went home and we got to oopen lots of presents on behalf of mini-MaFt. My personal favourite was the signed drum head from The Toy Dolls :)

Well, that was my weekend, how was yours?

MaFt

PS - sorry it's a bit rushed but we've got some psycho dentists drilling into the roof at work for some stupid reason. It's stupidly loud and really annoying! I'm outta here for some toast.

Wahey!

We (Nektar) got recommended: Inhaler may replace insulin shots

MaFt

You Pay Peanuts, You Get Monkeys

I wish I was a monkey.

Bag of Peanuts = 50p. A monkey could easily get through a bag of peanuts in under a minute, let's say 50 seconds for the sake of argument. So that's 72 bags of peanuts per hour or cash equivalent - £36 an hour. I wouldn't say no to that.

I wish I was a monkey.

And, in other news, everyone here at work is eagerly awaiting the results of an advisory committee for the FDA with regards to the release of Exubera - the world's first inhalable insulin. Fingers crossed - let's hope they give it a "yes". Even then though, the FDA would have to formally approve it for sale.


Monkey? I can only wish...

MaFt

The Last Sweet

Don't you just love it when you screw up an empty bag of sweets and then realise there's actually one more cola bottle in there? Bliss!

MaFt

Helpful Heroin (H)addicts

I never though I'd say this but I'm happy that prices for drugs have gone down to as little as 50p for ecstasy and £5 for a party pack of crack and heroin (see here).

Why am I happy? well, with drugs that cheap they won't need to break into as many houses or cars to fuel their habit. If all drugs were two-for-one then we would halve crime in Britain. I should be an MP, do ya think?

MaFt

Sorry...

OK, so apologies for not being here for quite a few days! I've been redesigning Mini-MaFt's website which took longer than I thought it would.

We got one of them-there GPS Sat Nav thingy's for the car - what a great invention! Now I can't get lost so long as I know before-hand where I'm going to. And even if I don't know where I'm going it'll tell me where I am. What made it handier was when I added the locations of 7129 speed cameras and traffic light cameras to it from a site I found called Pocket GPS World.

That's about it really, got a music practice tonight to go through the songs for the service for Mini-MaFt's dedication next Sunday and that's all for now!

You shall no doubt be hearing about my GPS escapades some time in the future, but for now you'll have to make do with the mundane things of my day-to-day life...

MaFt

Banjo Boxer

We got one of them George Formby grills yesterday. It's great, you put your chicken in and it sings "When I'm Cleaning Windows" while it cooks. Shame it only has that one song cos I can see it getting annoying after a while. However, it does have a USB port so I can connect it up and put some new music on it. Maybe a spot of "Happy Go Lucky Me" will be less annoying after a while? It's sure as hell better than those George Foreman ones. I mean, who wants to be punched in the face while you're cooking your steaks?


The George Formbyman Grill

MaFt

Monacle Request

I just sent this out this morning to 'All Users' at work:

"Hi everyone, this may sound like an odd request but I’m doing a murder mystery thingy-ma-bob this Saturday and my character is Otto von Pinklewurst – a Gestapo agent. As such, to get into character, I’m in need of a long black trenchcoat and a monacle. I may be able to get the coat, but if anyone has a monacle I can borrow then it’d be appreciated ;)

Cheers, and apologies for the weird email…

Matthew"

So far I have been offered a fully working replica Beretta 9mm automatic pistol but no monacle. I've also been told that it was the strangest email request anyone has ever sent out. Two good ideas (well, one idea but from 2 different people) was to use some old glasses and cut them up to make a monacle. Sounds like a good idea to me - especially as I have an old pair in my drawer at work.

MaFt

I Am Otto von Pinklewurst

"I am Otto von Pinklewurst. I am an officer of the Gestapo, fanatical and quite possibly mad. I don't understand why I'm here in Africa instead of in a posenior staff post in Berlin."

Just had an invite to a murder mystery night in which my character is Otto von Pinklewurst. My suggested clothing is a long black leather trenchcoat, boots and a monacle.

Having never done one of these things before I'm a bit apprehensive. The last time I dressed up in fancy dress was as Spiderman with brother-A as Superman:




















I'll let you know how the hunt for an outfit goes and how the evening as a whole goes!

MaFt

Updates and Upgrades

Well, it's been a fair few days since I posted anything... Had a nice long weekend off from work (off from Thursday, came back today) for no particular reason other than I could. Well, it was our wedding anniversary Thursday but we just went for some food in the evening.

The extra few days meant that I had time to finish the fireplace tiling as well as start emptying the attic and dumping it at Mum & Dad's! This is going to be a huge job - not only emptying it but getting all the building work done. The worrying part is that the point of no return is the first part of the project! As soon as the hole is knocked through the landing wall to make space for the new stairs then we can't really change our minds... All will be well though!

It turns out, too, that my interwebnet hosting package has been upgraded at no extra cost. Thanks to Blackfoot Hosting I now get 500MB space and 10GB bandwidth (used to be 200MB and 5GB respectively). This doesn't really effect any of you but it just means I have extra space for hosting photo's for Mini-MaFt's site as well as more mp3's of my music (when I get some done!)

Ta-ra for now

MaFt

Phase 3

Just needs 2 bits at the bottom and the grouting doing :) Huzzah! I am a master tiler.

MaFt

Guess The Google

Having no access to my email at work today has resulting in me finding this: Guess-The-Google.

This is a great time-wasting game where it shows you 20 images and you have to try and guess the google search term that gave those images before the time runs out. It's not that easy, I managed to get 123 points on my first attempt - there are 10 rounds in total. One day I'll reach the leaderboard :)

MaFt

Phase 2 Complete

Phase 2 of the tiling has been completed but I forgot to take the photo off the camera so you can't see it yet! All that's left now is to tile the very bottom/front of the fireplace and then do the grouting. Should be done by the weekend!

Annoyingly I can't log into my webmail today for some unknown reason... this sucks, as it means I don't have any easy time-killing options while I'm at work.

MaFt

Work Time

Finally got around to starting tiling the fireplace:














The cream ones are the new tiles and the green ones are the old ones. Not bad for my first attempt :)

MaFt

You're A Winner!

Yesterday I got an email from "Mark" with the subject header "You're A Winner!". Needless to say I was rather skeptical and a bit annoyed that it had got through the usually very good junk mail filter in Thunderbird. For some unknown reason I decided to read what I had 'won'. My skepticism turned out to be unfounded as it turned out to be an email from Mark at Punktastic ("it's punk, it's fantastic, you work it out") informing me that I'd won a copy of the new My Awesome Compilation CD. Pretty chuffed actually, as it was one CD that was on my list to buy sometime soon. I enter pretty much every competition on Punktastic (well, they're free and all you do is click a button - there are no questions) and this is the first time I've got something. It was a nice surprise seeing as I haven't won anything since I got a frisbee at Haven Holidays in 1989...

Mine, All Mine!

MaFt

Home Improvements

I'm knackered, aching and my hands are cut to shreds! Over the weekend, with the assistance of Mr-T for some parts, I have:

• Cut some tiles and my fingers to put around the fireplace (the tiles that is, I'm not planning on some sick phalangeal fire-surround)
  
• Got wiring in place for some amendments to the burglar alarm and took a chunk out of my finger in the process
  
• Chiseled out some mains cable in the lounge-wall where I drilled through in a previous episode (this is now ready to re-wire it and plaster over etc)
  
• Made the final(ish) arrangements with the builder regarding getting the attic converted into a nice room with a window and some stairs

So there you have it, my hands are sore and aching now!

Hope you all enjoyed your weekends as much as I did...!

MaFt

I Smelled A Scam Earlier, Now It Smells Stronger!

Got an email this morning seemingly from Bid Pay regarding payment for my phone to send to the 'Prophet' in Nigeria. However, it was riddles with spelling and grammar mistakes and included the dead-giveaway line:

"some of our custmers are not sending items straight away even though they have been paid for. We have receved the payment from your buyer so you must send the item now pls. Then when you give us the tracking number we will release your official Western Union postal order"

Yeah right! Regardless of what I did I've lost a bit of money in listing fees cos the prat bought it as 'Buy It Now' I couldn't even cancel his bid. So, anyway, I've relisted th eitem with a small disclaimer at the top; check it out here.

Well, other than that, I managed to get a 'Listening To' thing on the blog. It's an edited version of Currently Hearing that I've set up to work with Media Monkey (I got fed up with MusicMatch <-- see, it doesn't even get a link!). It only works when I've got Media Monkey open though, so if it says 'Nothing' then it's safe to say that I'm not listening to any music at home - I'll probably have my MP3 player on at work though ;)

So, if you really want to know, I'm currently hearing "Relient K - Which To Bury; Us or The Hatchet?"

See ya

MaFt

Fools on Ebay

I've just sold my old phone on ebay and put, quite clearly, in the listing that I would only ship to the UK or Europe. SO, I get an email this morning saying that the fella who bought it, although he has a UK email address, is currently in Malaysia and would like the phone "sent as a surprise birthday gift to (his) Prophet in Nigeria". What the hell?! His Prophet in Nigeria? Last time I checked Nigeria wasn't in Europe...

Anyway, I thought I'd milk it rather than have to relist the phone. I emailed the guy back and gave him 4 statements he had to agree with before I would accept his payment these were:

1) I will not be held responsible for any customs charges that his Prophet may incur
2) I will not be held responsible if the phone is not compatible with the Nigerian phone network
3) I will not be held responsible if the phone charger is not compatible with the Nigerian electrical system
4) I will not be held resposnsible if the phone gets damaged on it's (rather long) journey to Nigeria

Oh yeah, I also told him that it'd cost him thirty quids for delivery :) May as well make some money from it! I'm yet to hear from him though...

MaFt

Too Much Chicken Takes It's Toll

Last night we went to Burger King and got Chicken Royales. Three lots of chicken in as many meals, good job I'm not addicted. However, if I am what I eat then clearly I've been a chicken lately. This afternoon I was a ham salad sandwhich with no tomato but lots of salad cream and a pork pie. Tomorrow? Who knows!

Anyway, after all this chicken my stomach's a bit off. It's hard to pin point it though, I mean, look what I've had: home made barbeque chicken (potential for food poisoning), chicken chana curry (potential to be anything) and fast food chicken (again, could actually be anything). So, I'm just going to have to blame the chickens. Poultry: be warned, give me the squirts again and I'll be forced to kill you. But if I kill you, I'll have to eat you, which may not be such a good idea... Dammit, you always win.


Chicken: evil little blighters, they are.

MaFt

Mmm... More Chicken

I like my job. Especially when the boss's boss takes the team out for a curry at dinner. I had a Chicken Chana, which was gorgeous. I'm full now, so don't feel like doing any work... Although, because he paid for my food I feel I should work harder. Life's full of difficult choices. However, this isn't one - the obvious choice is to not do much work this afternoon :)

MaFt

Mmm... Chicken

We've had Captain P's gas powered barbeque since last Friday and last night we decided to make one final use of it before he collects it. So, at 10:15 last night I was stood outside cooking skewered chicken in the dark! If any dog-walkers gave me any funny looks I wasn't too bothered 1) because the chicken was lovely, and 2) because I wouldn't have been able to see them.

There's something to be said for having an impromptu barbeque in the dark.

MaFt

Integration

Scrap Multiculturalism

Being from Bradford I think this is a fantastic idea. If people from other countries are allowed to live here then they should be grateful of the fact and integrate with the communities they live in instead of creating a 'pakistani area' or a 'polish area' or a 'ukranian area' of a city. Like the report says, if people live together as an integrated community then there'd be less chance of anger between cultural groups simply because these groups wouldn't exist.

I think if a bunch of English people moved to Mongolia and stayed in their own group then the locals would be a bit annoyed that they weren't integrating. So, why do we let it happen here in England? And why does it get seen as racist to make such comments? Yes, there traditional values are important to them but if they're living in another country then that's not very traditional is it? So why not update their traditions to include being a part of English society and not keep defining themselves as a minority group?

That's all for now!

MaFt

A Few Photo's From Paris