Tickets Please, PLEASE!!

Many moons ago me and my brother Andy used to ring random 0800 numbers: 1) because we were bored and 2) because they're free. One of the ones we found was some kind of practice 'speach recognition' software - you had to say a number and it then told you "You have selected number 4" or whichever number you said. It was fairly primitive, but this was going back about 12 years or so.

Yesterday evening I discovered that telephonic speach recognition systems are not so primitive, just very annoying and a little bit cocky.

Machine: Welcome to Cineworld... blah blah blah Please say the name of the cinema or town you are interested in
MaFt: Bradford
Machine: Did you say 'Bradford'?
MaFt: Yes
Machine: Welcome to Cineworld at the Leisure Exchange, Bradford.
MaFt: You're welcome
Machine: Oi, I haven't asked you to say anything yet!
MaFt: Sorry
Machine: Did you say 'sorry'?
MaFt: .....
Machine: Please say either 'yes' or 'no'
MaFt: Yes
Machine: OK, shall we continue?
MaFt: Yes
Machine: Please say the name of the film you would like to see.
MaFt: Star Wars
Machine: No, that's not it's full title, please do it in full or I'm not playing.
MaFt: Star Wars Episode 3
Machine: ...and?
MaFt: Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith
Machine: You have selected 'Bambi'. Ha ha, only joking, you have selected 'Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith' rated 12A, contains fantasy adventure and some scary scenes.
Machine: Please say what you would like to do...
MaFt: Book tick...
Machine: Please let me finish, you haven't heard the options yet. The options are: book tickets, hear show times or other oprions.
MaFt: Book tickets, like I started to say before.
Machine: There's no need for that attitude, 'book tickets' might not have been an option, you were just assuming...
MaFt: Yeah, whatever, just book the bloody tickets.
Machine: Sorry
MaFt: Did you say 'sorry'?
Machine: Yes
MaFt: Ooh, how about that for role-reversal, eh?
Machine: Don't get cocky or else I'll put you in a queue.
MaFt: I'm British, I like to queue.
Machine: Fine, please hold while you are transferred to an operator. You are now in a queue, you are queuer number one.
MaFt: Wow, what a queue...
Operator: Hello, Cineworld Bradford.
MaFt: Hi, can I book some tickets please?
Operator: Sorry, our Machine is down and we can't make any bookings.
MaFt: Oh...
Operator: He's sulking. Machine gets like this when people don't treat him very kindly on the phone system. He has these illusions of grandeur where he thinks that because he can recognise speach that he's somehow better than us.
MaFt: I see...
Operator: It's OK, he'll be fine tomorrow, I'm sure.
MaFt: OK, I'll try then.


I tried again today, but I think Machine recognised my voice (well, that is his job afterall) cos the system was still down...